"It makes my heart almost stop beating to know I have this man on my
side. Because I sense in him the man element, the physical--oh, I can't
put it in words, but I mean something great in him that can't be beaten.
What he says _must_ come true!... And so I've already begun to dream and
to think of you as my wife. If you ever are--no! _when_ you are, then I
will owe it to Bent Wade. No man ever owed another for so precious a
gift. But, Collie, I can't help a little vague dread--of what, I don't
know, unless it's a sense of the possibilities of Hell--Bent Wade....
Dearest, I don't want to worry you or frighten you, and I can't follow
out my own gloomy fancies. Don't you mind too much what I think. Only
you must realize that Wade is the greatest factor in our hopes of the
future. My faith in him is so unshakable that it's foolish. Next to you
I love him best. He seems even dearer to me than my own people. He has
made me look at life differently. Likewise he has inspired you. But you,
dearest Columbine, are only a sensitive, delicate girl, a frail and
tender thing like the columbine flowers of the hills. And for your own
sake you must not be blind to what Wade is capable of. If you keep on
loving him and idealizing him, blind to what has made him great, that
is, blind to the tragic side of him, then if he did something terrible
here for you and for me the shock would be bad for you. Lord knows I
have no suspicions of Wade. I have no clear ideas at all. But I do know
that for you he would not stop at anything. He loves you as much as I
do, only differently. Such power a pale, sweet-faced girl has over the
lives of men!
"Good-by for this time.
"Faithfully,
"WILSON."
"January 10th.
"DEAR WILSON,--In every letter I tell you I'm better! Why, pretty soon
there'll be nothing left to say about my health. I've been up and around
now for days, but only lately have I begun to gain. Since Jack has been
away I'm getting fat. I eat, and that's one reason I suppose. Then I
move around more.
"You ask me to tell you all I do. Goodness! I couldn't and I wouldn't.
You are getting mighty bossy since you're able to hobble around, as you
call it. But you can't boss _me!_ However, I'll be nice and tell you a
little. I don't work very much. I've helped dad with his accounts, all
so hopelessly muddled since he let Jack keep the books. I read a good
deal. Your letters are worn out! Then, when it snows, I sit by the
window and watch. I love to see the snowflakes fall, so fleecy and white
and soft! But I don't like the snowy world after the storm has passed. I
shiver and hug the fire. I must have Indian in me. On moonlit nights to
look out at Old White Slides, so cold and icy and grand, and over the
white hills and ranges, makes me shudder. I don't know why. It's all
beautiful. But it seems to me like death.... Well, I sit idly a lot and
think of you and how terribly big my love has grown, and ... but that's
all about that!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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