IS IT THIS—“_Well, Bill, you won’t have to hang to-morrow. The governor has signed your reprieve._” ] [Illustration: OR IS IT THIS—“_There! your last tooth is filled and you won’t have to come again for years._” ] [Illustration: OR IS IT THIS—“_Hooray, Charley! your ticket has won the capital prize in the lottery!_” ] [Illustration: _No, it is this._ ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ WHAT IS ABSOLUTE UNHAPPINESS? [Illustration: _Is it that which is experienced by the poor North Pole seeker whose ship is wrecked, leaving him stranded on an iceberg with nothing to eat but candles, and nothing to drink but dew, and no dew at that?_ ] [Illustration: _Or is it the shipwrecked mariner who has drifted for many days on the face of the deep with no place to land but on the shores of an island inhabited by anti-vegetarians?_ ] [Illustration: _Or is it the poor Christian who is on the eve of playing an important part in a Turkish massacre?_ ] [Illustration: _No! The only real misery is that felt by the small boy who has to go to school this fine circus weather._ ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ THE ANNUAL TRAGEDY [Illustration] [Illustration] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ AS HE WOULD HAVE LOOKED IN MODERN GARB [Illustration] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ DECORATION DAY [Illustration: “_Well, which story shall I tell you—the one about the time I was wounded, or the time I swam the river after the chickens?_” ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ THE FOURTH OF JULY [Illustration: NICE OLD GENTLEMAN—“_Well, my young friend, I suppose you know what this glorious holiday means?_” YOUNG GENTLEMAN, CELEBRATING—“_Sure, but I don’t care. My pa’s a doctor._” ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ THE FIFTH OF JULY—CALLING THE ROLL ADAPTED FROM A FAMOUS OLD POEM [Illustration] “Benjamin Jones!” the father cried; “Here!” was the answer loud and clear, From the lips of the youngster standing near; And “here!” was the word the next replied. “Johnnie Jones!” and a silence fell This time no answer followed the call; Only his brother saw him fall, Killed or wounded, he could not tell.