"The possession of her fortune, however, could not recompense me for her
haughty wayward disposition. In her domestic arrangements she was
tyrannical and parsimonious, and so truly capricious, that the most
studied attentions to please could not twice succeed in the same
particular. Certain I had not married for love, her rancorous
disposition soon led her to resent, or rather to revenge, my want of
affection. My expenditure became extravagance, my wants superfluous, and
my acquaintance by far too general. As such, by the most pointed slights
and insults, my friends were severally driven from my house; nor was
even my father spared.
"I bore with the temper of my wife till human patience could sustain it
no longer; and one day, after having been severely reproached with the
favour she had conferred in uniting herself to a man not worth a
shilling; I mounted my horse, and crossed the country to
Brighthelmstone.
"The second night after my arrival there, I went to the ball given in
honour of Sir Henry Beechton, where I became acquainted with you, and
first saw the lovely Ellenor.
"To mention my admiration is needless: you are already well acquainted
with it. To my anxious inquiries concerning her, the only intelligence I
gained was--that she was an orphan of small fortune, and under the
protection of the Hon. Mrs. Radnor. Fortune, however, had then lost its
allurements. Ellenor shone with all the graces of a fabled goddess,
which, added to the benignity that beamed in her eyes, and the ineffable
sweetness of her manner, fixed her at once supremely in my heart.
Impelled by love, I pursued the acquaintance; Ellenor owned her regard
for me to her friend; and as neither that lady nor she had the least
suspicion of my being married, (for, on my arrival at Brighthelmstone, I
had taken my mother's name of Crawton, to prevent my wife from tracing
me), my visits were welcomed with the greatest cordiality and friendship
on the part of her protectress, and the sincerest affection by my
Ellenor.
"It was then I fully experienced the wretchedness of my situation, in
being united to Deborah. Reason and honour bade me combat with my
passion, and fly from Ellenor. But in vain; each succeeding interview
discovered new perfections, and by forcing a comparison, added to my
love for her, and detestation for my wife. Hard was the conflict--but
love prevailed: and I strove, by fallacious reasoning, to persuade
myself, that my marriage with Miss Tangress was of no effect, as I was
led into it by passion and revenge; and that an union with Ellenor,
though contrary to the laws of my country, being founded on mutual
affection, would not only be accepted in the eye of heaven, but acceded
to as just, by the unprejudiced part of mankind.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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