"You see, my Fairy, this is just the kind of weather I wanted to-day.
See them splash along. Aren't they hideous, aren't they filthy? What
mud! It's everywhere, in the streets, on the quays, even in the Seine,
even in the sky. Ah! mud is a fine thing when you're downhearted. I
would like to dabble in it, to mould a statue with it, a statue one
hundred feet high, and call it, 'My Ennui.'"
"But why do you suffer from ennui, my darling?" mildly inquires the
ex-ballet-dancer, good-natured and rosy, from her armchair, in which she
sits very erect for fear of damage to her hair, which is even more
carefully arranged than usual. "Haven't you all that any one can need to
be happy?"
And she proceeds, in her placid voice, to enumerate for the hundredth
time her reasons for happiness, her renown, her genius, her beauty, all
men at her feet, the handsomest, the most powerful; oh! yes, the most
powerful, for that very day--But an ominous screech, a heart-rending
wail from the jackal, maddened by the monotony of her desert, suddenly
makes the studio windows rattle and sends the terrified old chrysalis
back into her cocoon.
The completion of her group and its departure for the Salon has left
Felicia for a week past in this state of prostration, of disgust, of
heart-rending, distressing irritation. It requires all of the old
fairy's unwearying patience, the magic of the memories she evokes every
moment in the day, to make life endurable to her beside that
restlessness, that wicked wrath which she can hear grumbling beneath the
girl's silences, and which suddenly bursts forth in a bitter word, in a
_pah_! of disgust _apropos_ of everything. Her group is hideous. No one
will speak of it. All the critics are donkeys. The public? an immense
_goitre_ with three stories of chin. And yet, a few Sundays ago, when
the Duc de Mora came with the superintendent of Fine Arts to see her
work at the studio, she was so happy, so proud of the praise bestowed on
her, so thoroughly delighted with her work, which she admired at a
distance as if it were by another hand, now that the modelling-tool had
ceased to form between her and her work the bond which tends to impair
the impartiality of the artist's judgment.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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