"Yes," May said. There were bubbles of saliva on her lips because she
would not take her finger away from her mouth.
"_You_ don't think I'm selfish, May?" Winnie shook May a little, then
held the child to her. A shudder ran like a live, uncontrolled thing
between them.
May was ashamed of the shudder as if it had been her fault. Winnie drew
away and stared at her daughter. Winnie's eyes were soft and wistful
with hurt, but underneath their darkness as under a cloud May saw
something she was afraid of. It was angry with itself and demanded that
she give it something. She did not know what to give it. To escape it
she wanted to cry.
Winnie wanted to make May cry but hated her for crying.
"You _must_ love me, May! I'm your mamma! You must love me!"
"I do," May said. Her eyes were black with tears, but because she wanted
to cry she could not keep her lips from smiling a little.
"As well as you love papa?"
May felt accused of something. She could not make herself speak. She was
sorry and wanted her mother to strike her.
"Then you love Papa best? Oh, May, that's cruel! You mustn't love him
best!" Winnie's excited manner was contagious. May did not know how to
explain what was the matter and suddenly burst into tears. Winnie moved
back again and watched the little girl with her arm over her face,
crying.
May's sobs lessened. Without knowing what had occurred, she felt utterly
subjugated. She wanted to love her mother, but the soft, angrily
caressing eyes would not let her. When would her mother let her stop
crying? There were no tears any more. It was hard to cry without tears.
"Poor naughty Mamma doesn't know what she's done!"
May, with her eyes shut, stole out a hand which trembled on her mother's
face.
"You do love me then? May, you must! You mustn't love Papa best!"
"I don't!"
They kissed. May saw that her mother's eyes were like things standing in
their own shadows and loving themselves. They liked being sad. They
yearned over May's face, but it was as if they did not see it and were
yearning for themselves.
"Go play with Bobby then, dear, and don't hurt poor Mamma like that."
"I won't."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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