You will ask: why Death? Why not some alternative? Flight or prison?
Well: prison would be an unendurable travelling through Time, flight,
an equally unendurable travelling through Time with Space added. Both
these things are familiar: Death alone, in spite of all the experience
that humanity has had of Death, is the utterly unfamiliar. For a
gambler it is a _coup_ alluring beyond belief--as we know neither what
we stake nor what we stand to win. I, personally, stand to win a great
deal, since Life holds nothing for me and I stake only my life--and
what I seek is only forgetfulness of you, or some sort of eventual and
incomprehensible union with you. For the union with you that I seek is
a queer sort of thing; hardly at all, I think, a union of the body, but
a sort of consciousness of our thoughts proceeding onwards together.
That we may find in the unending Afterwards. Or we may find the Herb
Oblivion.
Either of these things I desire. For, in so far as we can dogmatise
about Death we may lay it down that Death is the negation of Action
but is powerless against Thought. I do not desire Action: and at the
same time I do not fear Thought. For it is not my thoughts of you that
I fear: left alone with them I can say: “What is she more than any
other material object?” It is my feelings that wear out my brain--my
feelings that make me know that you are more than every material object
living or still, and more than every faith dead or surviving. For
feeling is neither Thought nor Action: it is the very stuff of Life
itself. And, if Death be the negation of Life it may well be the end of
consciousness.
The worst that Death can do to me is to deliver me up for ever to
unsatisfied longings for you. Well, that is all that Life has done,
that is all that Life can do, for me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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