And when it has so risen, its unity and coherence are by no means
secure. I have already pointed out how often it is lost in moments
when the conscious element becomes particularly intense. But in morbid
conditions too it sometimes undergoes a disruption still more
peculiar. Just as disintegration may attack any other organic unit, so
may it appear in the personal life. The records of hypnotism and other
related phenomena show cases where self-consciousness appears to be
distributed among several selves. These curious experiences have
received more attention in recent years than ever before. They do not,
however, belong to my field, and to consider them at any length would
only divert attention from my proper topic. But they deserve mention
in passing in order to make plain how wayward is self-consciousness,--
how far from an assured possession of its unity.
This unity seems temporarily suspended on occasion of swoon or nervous
shock. An interesting case of its loss occurred in my own experience.
Many years ago I was fond of horseback riding; and having a horse that
was unusually easy in the saddle, I persisted in riding him long after
my groom had warned me of danger. He had grown weak in the knees and
was inclined to stumble. Riding one evening, I came to a little
bridge. I remember watching the rays of the sunset as I approached it.
Something too of my college work was in my mind, associated with the
evening colors. And then--well, there was no "then." The next I knew a
voice was calling, "Is that you?" And I was surprised to find that it
was. I was entering my own gateway, leading my horse. I answered
blindly, "Something has happened. I must have been riding. Perhaps I
have fallen." I put my hand to my face and found it bloody. I led my
horse to his post, entered the house, and relapsed again into
unconsciousness. When I came to myself, and was questioned about my
last remembrance, I recalled the little bridge. We went to it the next
day. There lay my riding whip. There in the sand were the marks of a
body which had been dragged. Plainly it was there that the accident
had occurred, yet it was three quarters of a mile from my house. When
thrown, I had struck on my forehead, making an ugly hole in it. Two or
three gashes were on other parts of the head. But I had apparently
still held the rein, had risen with the horse, had walked by his side
till I came to four corners in the road, had there taken the proper
turn, passed three houses, and entering my own gate then for the first
time became aware of what was happening.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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