The struggle of these two opinions will have only one outcome, the
complete victory of the modern belief that the sexes are, all in all,
equal, and that therefore marriage is a contract of equals. Meanwhile
the struggling opinions, with the scene of conflict in every home, in
every heart, cause disorder as all struggles do. When the victory is
complete, then conduct will be definite and clear-cut, then the home
will be reorganized in relation to the new belief, and then new problems
will arise and be met. How conduct will be changed, what the new
problems will be and how they will be met, I do not pretend to know.
Meanwhile there is this to say,--that marriage should be guarded so that
the grossly unfit do not marry. A thorough physical examination is as
necessary for matrimony as it is for civil service, and many of the
horrors every generation of doctors has witnessed could be eliminated at
once and for all time.
Further, if marriage is a desirable state, and on the whole it must be
preferred to a single existence, surely so long as our code of morals
remains unchanged, and so long as we believe the race must be
perpetuated, then the too late marriage should be discouraged. The ideal
age for women to enter matrimony is from twenty-two to twenty-five; the
ideal age for men is from twenty-five to twenty-eight. It is not my
province to deal at length with this subject, but I may state that I
believe that continence beyond these ages becomes increasingly
difficult, that immorality is encouraged, that adaptability becomes
lessened, and that wiser selection of mates does _not_ occur. But how
bring about early marriages in a time when the luxuries seem to have
become necessities, and therefore the necessity of marriage is eyed more
and more as an extravagance of the foolhardy? How bring about early
marriage when women are earning pay almost equal to that of the men and
are therefore more reluctant to enter matrimony unless at a high
standard of living. The late marriage is an evil, but how it can be
displaced by the early marriage under the present social scheme I do not
see.
We have considered divorce before this. It is not an evil but a symptom
of evil; not a disease in itself. It cannot be lessened or abolished
unless we are willing to state that a man and a woman should live
together as husband and wife, hating, despising, or fearing one another.
We cannot countenance brutality, unfaithfulness, or temperamental
mismating. It is true that divorces are often obtained for trivial
reasons, but usually the partners are not adapted to one another,
according to modern ways of thinking and feeling. What is commonplace
in one age is cruelty in the next, and this is a matter not of argument
but of expectation and feeling.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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