In addition to the exasperation over her husband's attitude toward her
counsel (which was approved by her brothers), she developed a disrespect
for him, a feeling that he was to be a failure and a certain contempt
crept into her attitude. Against this she struggled, but as the time
went on the feeling became almost too strong to be disguised and caused
many quarrels. It is probable that if her own brothers and sisters had
not done so well her feeling toward her husband would not have reached
the proportions it did, for she became envious of the good things they
enjoyed and to a certain extent resented her sisters-in-law's attitude
toward her husband and herself as poor. The part futile jealousy and
envy play in life will not be underestimated by those who will candidly
view their own feelings when they hear of the success of those who are
near them. One of the reasons that ostentation and bragging are in such
disfavor is because of the unpleasant envy and jealousy they tend
involuntarily to arouse.
With disrespect came a distaste for sexual relations, and here was a
complicating factor of a decisive kind. She developed a disgust that
brought about hysterical symptoms and finally she took refuge in refusal
to live as a wife. This aroused her husband's anger and suspicions; he
accused her of infidelity and had her watched. The disunion proceeded to
the point of actual separation, and she then passed into an acute
nervous condition, marked by fear, restlessness, sleeplessness, and
fatigue.
The analysis of this patient's reactions was difficult and as much
surmised as acknowledged. With her breakdown her husband's affection
immediately revived and his solicitude and tenderness awoke her old
feeling, together with remorse for her attitude towards his lack of
business success. It was obvious to me in the few times I saw her that
she was working out her own salvation and that no one's assistance was
necessary after she understood herself. Intelligence is a prime
essential to cure in such cases,--an ignorant or unintelligent woman
with such reactions cannot be dealt with. Gradually her intelligence
took command, new resolves and purposes grew out of her illness, and it
may confidently be said that though she never will be a phlegmatic
observer of her husband's struggles she has conquered her old criticism
and hostility.
Case VII. The nondomestic type and the mother-in-law.
That there is a nondomestic type of woman to-day is due to the rise of
feminism and the fascination of industry. Where a woman has once been in
the swirl of business, has been part of an organization and has tasted
financial success, settling down may be possible, but is much more
difficult than to the woman of past generations. Such a woman probably
has never cooked a meal, or mended a stocking, or washed dishes,--and
she has been financially independent. For love of a man she gives all
this up, and even under the best of circumstances has her agonies of
doubt and rebellion.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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