Out of a clear sky came proof of long-continued unfaithfulness on the
part of her "domestic" husband: a chance bill for women's clothes
fluttered out of his pocket and under the bed, so that next morning she
found it; an unbelieving moment and then a visit to the address on the
bill, and proof plenty that he had been disloyal, not only to her but to
the children, who had been obliged to scrimp along while he helped
maintain another woman. Humiliated beyond measure by her disaster,
unable to endure her past memories of happiness and faith, with an
unstable world rocking before her, through the revelation that a quiet,
contented, loving man could be completely false, she found no adequate
reason for living and became a helpless prey to her troubled mind. "A
temporary unfaithfulness, a yielding to sudden temptation" she could
understand, but a determined plan of duplicity shattered her whole
scheme of values. A very severe psychoneurosis followed, and her
children and she were taken over by her parents and cared for.
Sleeplessness was so prominent in her case and so evidently the central
physical symptom that its control was difficult and required a regular
campaign for success. With sleep restored and the resumption of eating,
the most of her acute symptoms were passed, though a profound depression
remained.
Her husband, thoroughly abashed and ashamed, made furtive attempts at
reconciliation. These were absolutely rejected, and from her attitude it
was obvious that no reconciliation was possible. "Had he not been found
out," said the wife, "he would still be living with her. I can never
trust him again; I would die before I lived with him."
Little by little her pride recovered, for in such cases the deepest
wound is to the ego, the self-valuation. The deepest effort of life is
to increase that valuation by increasing its power and its respect by
others; the keenest hurt comes with the lowering of the valuation of
one's own personality. A woman gives herself to a man, without lowering
a self-feeling if he is tender and faithful; if he holds her cheap, as
by flagrant disloyalty, then her surrender is her most painful of
memories.
With the recovery of pride came the restoration of her interest in her
children, and her purposes reshaped themselves into definite plans. Part
of the process in readjustment in any disordered life is to centralize
the dispersed purposes, to redirect the life energies. She agreed that
she would accept aid from the husband, as his duty, but only for the
children. For herself, as soon as the children were a year or so older,
she would go back to industry and become self-supporting. Her plans
made, her recovery proceeded to a firm basis, and I have no doubt as to
its permanence. Nevertheless, life has changed its complexion for her,
and there will be many moments of agony. These are inevitable and part
of the recovery process.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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