The Observations of Henry: Illustrated — John Shaqi
The Observations of Henry: IllustratedJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
The Observations of Henry: Illustrated
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English; Waiters -- Fiction
“There wasn't a flea-bite to go by,” answered Henry. “They had the
same bumps, the same pimples, the same scratches; they were the
same age to within three days; they weighed the same to an ounce;
and they measured the same to an inch. One father was tall and
fair, and the other was short and dark. The tall, fair man had a
dark, short wife; and the short, dark man had married a tall, fair
woman. For a week they changed those kids to and fro a dozen times
a day, and cried and quarrelled over them. Each woman felt sure
she was the mother of the one that was crowing at the moment,
and when it yelled she was positive it was no child of hers. They
thought they would trust to the instinct of the children. Neither
child, so long as it wasn't hungry, appeared to care a curse for
anybody; and when it was hungry it always wanted the mother that
the other kid had got. They decided, in the end, to leave it to
time. It's three years ago now, and possibly enough some likeness
to the parents will develop that will settle the question. All I
say is, up to three months old you can't tell 'em, I don't care
who says you can.”
He paused, and appeared to be absorbed in contemplation of the
distant Matterhorn, then clad in its rosy robe of evening. There
was a vein of poetry in Henry, not uncommon among cooks and
waiters. The perpetual atmosphere of hot food I am inclined to
think favourable to the growth of the softer emotions. One of the
most sentimental men I ever knew kept a ham-and-beef shop just off
the Farringdon Road. In the early morning he could be shrewd and
business-like, but when hovering with a knife and fork above the
mingled steam of bubbling sausages and hissing peas-pudding, any
whimpering tramp with any impossible tale of woe could impose upon
him easily.
“But the rummiest go I ever recollect in connection with a baby,”
continued Henry after a while, his gaze still fixed upon the
distant snow-crowned peaks, “happened to me at Warwick in the
Jubilee year. I'll never forget that.”
“Is it a proper story,” I asked, “a story fit for me to hear?”
On consideration, Henry saw no harm in it, and told it to me
accordingly.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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