The Observations of Henry: Illustrated — John Shaqi
The Observations of Henry: IllustratedJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
The Observations of Henry: Illustrated
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English; Waiters -- Fiction
“I'd rather you came and opened it yourself, sir,” I says. I was
beginning not to half like the business.
“I can't,” he says, “after that suggestion of yours--you've put me
all in a tremble. Open it quick, man; tell me it's all right.”
Well, my own curiosity helped me. I cut the cord, threw open the
lid, and looked in. He kept his eyes turned away, as if he were
frightened to look for himself.
“Is it all right?” he says. “Is it alive?”
“It's about as alive,” I says, “as anybody'll ever want it to be,
I should say.”
“Is it breathing all right?” he says.
“If you can't hear it breathing,” I says, “I'm afraid you're
deaf.”
You might have heard its breathing outside in the street. He
listened, and even he was satisfied.
“Thank Heaven!” he says, and down he plumped in the easy-chair by
the fireplace. “You know, I never thought of that,” he goes on.
“He's been shut up in that basket for over an hour, and if by any
chance he'd managed to get his head entangled in the clothes--I'll
never do such a fool's trick again!”
“You're fond of it?” I says.
He looked round at me. “Fond of it,” he repeats. “Why, I'm his
father.” And then he begins to laugh again.
“Oh!” I says. “Then I presume I have the pleasure of addressing
Mr. Coster King?”
“Coster King?” he answers in surprise. “My name's Milberry.”
I says: “The father of this child, according to the label inside
the cover, is Coster King out of Starlight, his mother being Jenny
Deans out of Darby the Devil.”
He looks at me in a nervous fashion, and puts the chair between
us. It was evidently his turn to think as how I was mad.
Satisfying himself, I suppose, that at all events I wasn't
dangerous, he crept closer till he could get a look inside the
basket. I never heard a man give such an unearthly yell in all my
life. He stood on one side of the bed and I on the other. The dog,
awakened by the noise, sat up and grinned, first at one of us and
then at the other. I took it to be a bull-pup of about nine months
old, and a fine specimen for its age.
“My child!” he shrieks, with his eyes starting out of his head,
“That thing isn't my child. What's happened? Am I going mad?”
“You're on that way,” I says, and so he was. “Calm yourself,” I
says; “what did you expect to see?”
“My child,” he shrieks again; “my only child--my baby!”
“Do you mean a real child?” I says, “a human child?” Some folks
have such a silly way of talking about their dogs--you never can
tell.
“Of course I do,” he says; “the prettiest child you ever saw in
all your life, just thirteen weeks old on Sunday. He cut his first
tooth yesterday.”
The sight of the dog's face seemed to madden him. He flung himself
upon the basket, and would, I believe, have strangled the poor
beast if I hadn't interposed between them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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