There was no answering smile on Juliet's face. "Yes, something you don't
know," she said soberly. "It's just this. I have much more in common with
Mrs. Fielding than you have any idea of. I have lived for pleasure
practically all my life. I have scrambled for happiness with the rest of
the world, and I haven't found it. It's only just lately that I've
realized why. I read a book called The Valley of Dry Bones. Do you know
it? But of course you do. It is by Dene Strange. I hate the man--if it is
a man. And I hate his work--the bitter cynicism of it, the merciless
exposure of humanity at its lowest and meanest. I don't know what his
ideals are--if he has any. I think he is probably very wicked, but
detestably--oh, damnably--clever. I burnt the book I hated it so. But I
felt--afterwards--as if I had been burnt, seared by hot
irons--ashamed--most cruelly ashamed." Juliet's voice sank almost to a
whisper. "Because--life really is like that--one vast structure of
selfishness--and in many ways I have helped to make it so."
She stopped. Green was looking at her attentively. He spoke at once with
decision. "I know the book. I've read it. It's an exaggeration--probably
intentional. It wasn't written--obviously--for the super-sensitive."
"Wasn't it?" Juliet's lips were quivering. "Well, it's been a positive
nightmare to me. I haven't got over it yet."
"That's curious," he said. "I shouldn't have thought it could have
touched you anywhere."
"That is because you have a totally wrong impression of me," she said.
"That is what I am trying to put right. I am the sort of person that
horrible book applies to, and I've fallen out with myself very badly in
consequence, Mr. Green. I haven't told anyone but you, but--somehow--I
feel as if you ought to know."
"Thank you," said Green. "But why?"
She met his eyes very steadily. "Because I'm trying to play the game now,
and--I don't want you to have any illusions."
"You don't want me to make a fool of myself," he said. "Is that it?"
She coloured very vividly, but she did not avoid his look. "I don't think
there is much danger of that, is there?" she said.
He stood still suddenly and faced her. His eyes burned with an amazing
brightness. "I don't know," he said, speaking emphatically and very
rapidly. "It depends of course upon the point of view. But I'll tell you
this. I'd give all I've got--and all I'm ever likely to get--to prevent
you going to Shale Court as a companion."
"Oh, but aren't you unreasonable?" Juliet said.
"No, I'm not." He made a vigorous gesture of repudiation. "Presumptuous
perhaps--but not unreasonable. I know too much of what goes on there.
Miss Moore, I beseech you--think again! Don't go!"
She looked at him in perplexity. "But it wouldn't be fair to draw back
now," she objected. "Besides--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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