He could not believe that he looked forty-three and a half. And yet he
had recently had an idea of shaving off his beard, partly to defy time,
but partly, also (I must admit), because a friend had suggested to him,
wildly perhaps, that if he dispensed with a beard his hair might grow
more sturdily. Yes, there was one weak spot in the middle of the top of
his head where the crop had of late disconcertingly thinned. The
hair-dresser had informed him that the symptom would vanish under
electric massage, and that, if he doubted the bonafides of
hair-dressers, any doctor would testify to the value of electric
massage. But now Edward Henry Machin, strangely discouraged,
inexplicably robbed of the zest of existence, decided that it was not
worth while to shave off his beard. Nothing was worth while. If he was
forty-three and a half, he was forty-three and a half. To become bald
was the common lot. Moreover, beardless, he would need the service of a
barber every day. And he was absolutely persuaded that not a barber
worth the name could be found in the Five Towns. He actually went to
Manchester, thirty-six miles, to get his hair cut. The operation never
cost him less than a sovereign and half a day’s time. And he honestly
deemed himself to be a fellow of simple tastes! Such is the effect of
the canker of luxury. Happily he could afford these simple tastes; for,
although not rich in the modern significance of the term, he paid income
tax on some five thousand pounds a year, without quite convincing the
Surveyor of Taxes that he was an honest man.
He brushed the thick hair over the weak spot, he turned down his
wristbands, he brushed the collar of his jacket, and lastly his beard;
and he put on his jacket--with a certain care, for he was very neat.
And then, reflectively twisting his moustache to military points, he
spied through the smaller window to see whether the new high hoarding of
the football-ground really did prevent a serious observer from descrying
wayfarers as they breasted the hill from Hanbridge. It did not. Then
he spied through the larger window upon the yard, to see whether the
wall of the new rooms which he had lately added to his house showed any
further trace of damp, and whether the new chauffeur was washing the new
motor-car with all his heart. The wall showed no further trace of damp,
and the new chauffeur’s bent back seemed to symbolise an extreme
conscientiousness.
Then the clock on the landing struck six, and he hurried off to put the
household to open shame.
II.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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