"How many will you be?" murmured Silverdale, heartbroken. "I don't know yet. I am waiting for the thing to get about. I have been in communication with the first candidate, and expect her any moment. She is a celebrated actress." "And who elects her?" "I, of course!" said Lillie, with an imperial flash in her passionate brown eyes. She was a brunette, and her face sometimes looked like a handsome thunder-cloud. "I am the President and the Committee and the Oldest Old Maid. Isn't one of the rules that candidates shall not believe in Women's Rights? None of the members will have any voice whatever." "Well, if your actress is a comic opera star, she _won't_ have any voice whatever." "Lord Silverdale," said Lillie sharply, "I hate puns. They spoiled the Bachelors' Club." His lordship, who was the greatest punster of the peers, and the peer of the greatest punsters, muttered savagely that he would like to spoil the Old Maids' Club. Lillie punned herself sometimes, but he dared not tell her of it. "And what will be the subscription?" he said aloud. "There will be none. I supply the premises." "Ah, that will never do! Half the pleasure of belonging to a club is the feeling that you have not paid your subscription. And how about grub?" "Grub! We are not men. We do not fulfil missions by eating." "Unjust creature! Men sometimes fulfil missions by being eaten." "Well, papa will supply buns, lemonade and ices. Turple the magnificent, will always be within call to hand round the things." "May I send you in a hundred-weight of chocolate creams?" "Certainly. Why should weddings have a monopoly of presents? This is not the only way in which you can be of service to me, if you will." "Only discover it for me, my dear Miss Dulcimer. Where there's a way there's a will." "Well, I should like you to act as Trier." "Eh! I beg your pardon?" "Don't apologize; to try the candidates who wish to be Old Maids." "Try them! No, no! I'm afraid I should be prejudiced against bringing them in innocent." "Don't be silly. You know what I mean. I could not tell so well as you whether they possessed the true apostolic spirit. You are a man--your instinct would be truer than mine. Whenever a new candidate applies, I want you to come up and see her." "Really, Miss Dulcimer, I--I can't tell by looking at her!" "No, but you can by her looking at you." "You exaggerate my insight." "Not at all. It is most important that something of the kind should be done. By the rules, all the Old Maids must be young and beautiful. And it requires a high degree of will and intelligence----" "To be both!" "For such to give themselves body and soul to the cause. Every Old Maid is double-faced till she has been proved single-hearted." "And must I talk to them?" "In plain English----" "It's the only language I speak plainly." "Wait till I finish, boy! In plain English, you must flirt with them." "Flirt?" said Silverdale, aghast. "What! With young and beautiful girls?"