With these tasks accomplished, and with a suspicion that the allotted
hours must have long expired, I would yet remind myself that I was in
a condition to exaggerate the lapse of time; and then, to give myself
every assurance of fidelity to my purpose, I would start off on a new
term of endurance. I seemed to myself to have borne the penance for
hours, to have made myself a shining example of what a resolute will
can do under circumstances the most inauspicious. At length, when
certain that the time must have much more than expired, and with no
little elation over the happy result of the experiment, I looked up to
the clock and found it to be just three minutes past one! Little as
the mind had really accomplished, the sense of its activity in these
few minutes had been tremendous. Measuring time by the conscious
succession of ideas may, if I may say it parenthetically, be no more
than the same infirmity of our limited human faculties which just now
is leading so many men of science, consciously or unconsciously, to
recognize in Nature co-ordinate gods, self-subsisting and independent
of the ever-living and all-present God.
During the five days in which I was descending from the use of six
grains of opium to two, the indications of the changes going on in the
system were these: The gnawing sensation in the stomach continued and
increased; the plethoric feeling was unabated, the pulse slow and
heavy, usually beating about forty-seven or forty-eight pulsations to
the minute; the blood of the whole system seemed to be driven to the
extremities of the body; my face had become greatly flushed; the
fingers were grown to the size of thumbs, while they, together with
the palms of the hands and the breast, parted with their cuticle in
long strips. The lower extremities had become hard, as through the
agency of some compressed fluid. A prickling sensation over the body,
as if surcharged with electricity, and accompanied with an apparent
flow of some hot liquid down the muscles of the arms and legs,
exhibited itself at this time. A constant perspiration of icy coldness
along the spine had also become a conspicuous element in this strange
aggregation of suffering. The nails of the fingers were yellow and
dead-looking, like those of a corpse; a kind of glistening leprous
scales formed over the hands; a constant tremulousncss pervaded the
whole system, while separate small vibrations of the fibres on the
back of the hand were plainly visible to the eye. To these symptoms
should be added a dimness of sight often so considerable as to prevent
the recognition of objects even at a short distance.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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