So I lunched at home. I got through almost the whole of the book; for instance the "Section in Action," and "Field Operations," "Alimentation," and "Hygiene," such chapters as I agreed with in letter and in spirit. But with what disdain did I skip everything concerning peace time or even garrison duty. Towards evening, somebody rang the bell: Laquarrière. I greeted him with, "A good idea, old fellow! I was coming round to say good-bye." "Oh yes, of course. You're off!" he said. He had escaped his military service, thanks to being slightly short-sighted, and to the fact that he could demand a good deal of interest. He was my only intimate. We had never been parted during our school days at the _lycèe_ at Tours. We had come up to Paris in the same year to begin our legal studies. The Bar had attracted him; he seemed to be going to succeed there; he had been accepted when still quite young as secretary to the "Conférence." We met almost every evening; we dined and then idled together; our tastes agreed. Together we had forged a philosophy, drawn from various sources, which fulfilled all our requirements. How completely our ideas harmonised in our wholesale scorn for people and things, and for ourselves, our hatred of appearances and of Sentiment! We were candid, almost to the point of brutality, in our dealings with each other. Courtesy and consideration were well enough for fools. I took a delight in the thought that our surly bearing towards each other hid a firm friendship. "You stay here, I suppose! Your usual luck!" He found nothing to say to me but: "Bah! Some will come back, after all!" "To think," I continued, "that in a fortnight I may be under fire!" "Yes. I can see you at it!" "How do you think I shall get on?" "Not brilliantly!" "What do you know about it?" "I know you." I protested; "That's idiotic! I'm sure there's a special grace given to uphold you!" He conceded: "That's true enough. One must be utterly dazed and allow oneself to be driven, without knowing what one is doing or where one is going." This opinion shocked me. "You exaggerate! I admit that may be so for the soldiers, wretched beasts of burden, ... but when once you are an N.C.O., and have responsibility of some kind...." "One more chance of losing your head." I denied it. I, for instance, absorbed by the anxiety of leading my men, was sure partially to forget the danger.... "Bah! Once there, morale is the only thing that counts." "Well?" "You won't get me to believe...." I hesitated, then I said: "After all. If I am going to fight, it only depended on me ... I was in Switzerland...." He sneered: "No humbugging! You came back for reasons which had nothing at all to do with patriotism! Simply because if you had not done so, your position, your cash, and your little mode of living, would all have gone overboard at one fell blow." His words reminded me of the vague hopes which had suggested themselves to me two days before.