Authors, American -- 19th century -- Biography; Twain, Mark, 1835-1910
He had risen and thrown a sheet
around him in his dreams. He walked in his sleep several nights in
succession after that. Then he slept more soundly."
Who is sufficiently the master of signs and portents to read this
terrible episode aright? One thing, however, we feel with irresistible
certitude, that Mark Twain's fate was once for all decided there. That
hour by his father's corpse, that solemn oath, that walking in his
sleep--we must hazard some interpretation of it all, and I think we are
justified in hazarding as most likely that which explains the most
numerous and the most significant phenomena of his later life.
To a hypersensitive child such as Mark Twain was at eleven that
ceremonious confrontation with his father's corpse must, in the first
place, have brought a profound nervous shock. Already, we are told, he
was "broken down" by his father's death; remorse had "laid a heavy hand
on him." But what was this remorse; what had he done for grief or shame?
"A hundred things in themselves trifling," which had offended, in
reality, not his father's heart but his father's will as a conventional
citizen with a natural desire to raise up a family in his own likeness.
Feeble, frantic, furtive little feelings out of this moody child, the
first wavering steps of the soul, that is what they have really been,
these peccadillos, the dawn of the artist. And the formidable promptings
of love tell him that they are sin! He is broken down indeed; all those
crystalline fragments of individuality, still so tiny and so fragile,
are suddenly shattered; his nature, wrought upon by the tense heat of
that hour, has become again like soft wax. And his mother stamps there,
with awful ceremony, the composite image of her own meager traditions.
He is to go forth the Good Boy by _force majeure_, he is to become such
a man as his father would have approved of, he is to retrieve his
father's failure, to recover the lost gentility of a family that had
once been proud, to realize that "mirage of wealth" that had ever hung
before his father's eyes. And to do so he is not to quarrel heedlessly
with his bread and butter, he is to keep strictly within the code, to
remember the maxims of Ben Franklin, to respect all the prejudices and
all the conventions; above all, he is not to be drawn aside into any
fanciful orbit of his own!... Hide your faces, Huck and Tom! Put away
childish things, Sam Clemens; go forth into the world, but remain always
a child, your mother's child! In a day to come you will write to one of
your friends, "We have no _real_ morals, but only artificial
ones--morals created and preserved by the forced suppression of natural
and healthy instincts." Never mind that now; your mother imagines her
heart is in the balance--will you break it?... Will you promise?... And
the little boy, in the terror of that presence, sobs: "Anything!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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