Amongst our ancestors there were sometimes found men of great
resolution who, in order to punish themselves for cowardice and luxury,
administered discipline to themselves; the idea is not so extravagant
as it appears to some people. A few good strokes of the whip might
result in reviving or strengthening the will, and in forcing it to
resist the moral supineness which is so apt to increase; but physical
discipline is no longer in use amongst us, and in my own case I have
substituted an illustration of which I try never to lose sight. I
picture to myself an ideal potter, whose whole ambition would be to
make good vessels, and, having succeeded in making some of great
solidity, he would choose out those of the finest shape for the market.
He attains success, and his thoughts being occupied with his pottery
only, at last he makes vases of absolute perfection. With what feelings
of envy I contemplate this creature of my imagination, who is to serve
as my model, and yet whom the want of concentration of thought prevents
me from imitating.
It would have been perhaps prudent on my part to follow the example
of this workman, and to accustom myself to reflect on subjects less
immeasurably above me than those which have such a powerful attraction
for me; but I yield to the impulse--once given. I often lose myself
when pondering on the world where destiny has placed me; and I ask
myself--How did life first appear on the earth? Was there nothing but
a cellule from whence all that fills space came? Was there one cellule
for the vegetables and another for the animals? If man did not spring
from the cradle of all things that live and grow on the surface of
the globe, was he an individual of his own species at the beginning,
or two individuals, or many? After what fashion did man speak at his
first appearance? What were his thoughts? “How can it be explained,” I
asked myself again, “that of all the members of the animal kingdom, one
only should have marvelled at and pondered on his position with regard
to the universe and himself? That one only should have manifested
the desire to understand his role in life, whilst all the creatures
that surrounded him, lived contentedly in blissful ignorance? It
would be impossible to conceive of a horse, an elephant, or a mammoth
disquieting itself concerning its origin and the end of its being; why
has man only sought a solution of these problems?” The learned scholars
who occupy themselves with these questions are far from agreeing
unanimously concerning them; thus I--I, who am only one link in the
interminable chain of units which composes humanity, past, present and
future; I, in my own individuality must live and die in my ignorance.
I revolt against this prospect, which I yet recognise as inevitable;
I refuse to acknowledge myself beaten, and I feel myself irresistibly
driven to seek for more knowledge; then feeling unable to supply the
lack, I cease to be anxious, and fall asleep again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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