The Orpheus C. Kerr Papers, Series 1Newell, R. H. (Robert Henry)
History
The Orpheus C. Kerr Papers, Series 1
Newell, R. H. (Robert Henry)
United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
Mr. Seward's speech, which was also received with frantic enthusiasm,
sounded equally well. He said: "I trust that this glorious spectacle
will make a deep impression upon all present, notwithstanding the fact
that I am still convinced that peace may yet put an end to this unhappy
conflict by means of a convention of all the States on the Fourth of
July, 2776, which I have always advocated. As the President has
remarked, the breeze which has just arisen in the bay of Naples, causes
the Star-Spangled Banner to arouse a far prouder feeling in every
American breast, than if a vessel should come in with a palmetto flag
at her peak, and upon being asked where it came from, should reply:
'Oh, from one of the petty republics of America.' I have nothing more
to say."
I know this report is correct, for I copied both the speeches from a
phonographic reporter's copy, and the phonographic reporter had only
taken six glasses of old peach and honey before he went to work.
Yours, hastily,
ORPHEUS C. KERR.
LETTER VI.
INTRODUCING THE MACKEREL BRIGADE, DILATING ON HAVELOCKS AS FIRST MADE
BY THE WOMEN OF AMERICA, ILLUSTRATING THE STRENGTH OF HABIT AND
WEAKNESS OF "SHODDY," AND SHOWING HOW OUR CORRESPONDENT INDULGED IN A
HUGE CANARD, AFTER THE MANNER OF AN ENLIGHTENED DAILY PRESS.
WASHINGTON, D.C., June 15th, 1861.
The members of the Mackerel Brigade, now stationed on Arlington Heights
to watch the movements of the Potomac, which is expected to rise
shortly, desire me to thank the women of America for supplies of
Havelocks and other delicacies of the season just received. The
Havelocks, my boy, are rather roomy, and we took them for shirts at
first; and the shirts are so narrow-minded, that we took them for
Havelocks. If the women of America could manage to get a little less
linen in the collars of the latter article, and a little more into the
other departments of the graceful garment, there would be fewer colds
in this division of the Grand Army.
The Havelocks, as I have said before, are roomy--very roomy, my boy.
Villiam Brown, of Company 3, Regiment 5, put one on last night, when he
went on sentry-duty, and looked like a broomstick in a pillow-case, for
all the world. When the officer of the night came round and caught
sight of Villiam in his Havelock, he was struck dumb with admiration
for a moment. Then he ejaculated:
"What a splendid moonbeam!"
Villiam made a movement, and the sergeant came up.
"What's that white object?" says the officer to the sergeant.
"The young man which is Villiam Brown," says the sergeant.
"Thunder!" roars the officer, "tell him to go to his tent, and take off
that night-gown!"
"You're mistaken," says the sergeant. "The sentry is Villiam Brown, in
his Havelock, which was made by the wimmen of America."
The officer was so justly exasperated at his mistake, that he went
immediately to his head-quarters, and took the Oath three times
running, with a little sugar.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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