The Orpheus C. Kerr Papers, Series 1Newell, R. H. (Robert Henry)
History
The Orpheus C. Kerr Papers, Series 1
Newell, R. H. (Robert Henry)
United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
Upon reaching the scene of strife, my boy, we discovered that the ten
Western Cavalry men had routed the rebels, killing four regiments,
which were all carried away by their comrades, and capturing six
columbiads, which were also carried away. On our side nobody was killed
nor wounded. In fact, two of our men, who went into the fight sick with
the measles, were entirely cured, and captured four good surgeons. I
must state, however, my boy, that although nobody was killed or wounded
on our side, there was one man missing. It seems that when he found the
balls flying pretty thickly about his ears, he formed himself into a
hollow-square, my boy, and retreated in good order into the neighboring
bushes. He formed himself into a hollow-square by bending gently
forward until his hands touched the ground, and made his retrograde
movement on all-fours. Colonel Wobinson remarked that this style of
forming a hollow-square was an intensely-immense thing on Hardee.
I believe him, my boy!
The women of America, my boy, are a credit to the America eagle, and a
great expense to their husbands and fathers, but they don't exactly
understand the most pressing wants of the soldier. For instance, a
young girl, about seventy-five years of age, has been sending ten
thousand pious tracts to the Mackerel Brigade, and the consequence is,
that the air around the camp has been full of spit-balls for a week.
These tracts, my boy, are very good for dying sinners and other
Southerners, but I'd rather have Bulwer's novels for general reading.
Villiam Brown, of Company 3, Regiment 5, got one of them the other day,
headed, "Who is your Father?" The noble youth read the question over
once or twice, and then dashed the publication to the ground, and took
some tobacco to check his emotions. (That brave youth's father, my boy,
is a disgrace to his species; he has been sinking deeper and deeper in
shame for some months past, until at last his name has got on the
Mozart Hall ticket.) I saw that Villiam didn't understand what the
tract really meant, and so I explained to him that it was intended to
signify that God was his Father. The gifted young soldier looked at me
dreamily for a moment, and then says he:
"God is my Father!" says he. "Well, now I am hanged if that ain't
funny; for, whenever mother spoke of dad, she always called him 'the
old devil!'"
Villiam never went to Sabbath-school, my boy, and his knowledge of
theology wouldn't start a country-church.
Wishing to find out if he knew anything about catechism, I asked him,
last Sunday afternoon, if he knew who Moses was.
"Yes," says he, "I know him very well; he sells old clothes in Chatham
street."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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