When I see a beautiful sweet-tempered girl married to an ill-natured brute of a husband, _What a pity_, say I, _that she should pay so much for a whistle_! In short, I conceive that great part of the miseries of mankind are brought upon them by the false estimates they have made of the value of things, and by their _giving too much for their whistles_. Yet I ought to have charity for these unhappy people, when I consider that, with all this wisdom of which I am boasting, there are certain things in the world so tempting, for example, the apples of King John, which happily are not to be bought; for if they were put to sale by auction, I might very easily be led to ruin myself in the purchase, and find that I had once more given too much for the _whistle_. Adieu, my dear friend, and believe me ever yours very sincerely and with unalterable affection. DIALOGUE BETWEEN FRANKLIN AND THE GOUT Midnight, 22 October, 1780. FRANKLIN. Eh! Oh! eh! What have I done to merit these cruel sufferings? GOUT. Many things; you have ate and drank too freely, and too much indulged those legs of yours in their indolence. FRANKLIN. Who is it that accuses me? GOUT. It is I, even I, the Gout. FRANKLIN. What! my enemy in person? GOUT. No, not your enemy. FRANKLIN. I repeat it, my enemy; for you would not only torment my body to death, but ruin my good name; you reproach me as a glutton and a tippler; now all the world, that knows me, will allow that I am neither the one nor the other. GOUT. The world may think as it pleases; it is always very complaisant to itself, and sometimes to its friends; but I very well know that the quantity of meat and drink proper for a man, who takes a reasonable degree of exercise, would be too much for another, who never takes any. FRANKLIN. I take--eh! oh!--as much exercise--eh!--as I can, Madam Gout. You know my sedentary state, and on that account, it would seem, Madam Gout, as if you might spare me a little, seeing it is not altogether my own fault.