Though really a good-hearted, good-tempered old fellow at bottom, yet he
is singularly fond of being in the midst of contention. It is one of his
peculiarities, however, that he only relishes the beginning of an
affray; he always goes into a fight with alacrity, but comes out of it
grumbling even when victorious; and though no one fights with more
obstinacy to carry a contested point, yet, when the battle is over, and
he comes to the reconciliation, he is so much taken up with the mere
shaking of hands, that he is apt to let his antagonist pocket all that
they have been quarreling about. It is not, therefore, fighting that he
ought so much to be on his guard against, as making friends. It is
difficult to cudgel him out of a farthing; but put him in a good humor,
and you may bargain him out of all the money in his pocket. He is like a
stout ship, which will weather the roughest storm uninjured, but roll
its masts overboard in the succeeding calm.
He is a little fond of playing the magnifico abroad; of pulling out a
long purse; flinging his money bravely about at boxing matches, horse
races, cock fights, and carrying a high head among "gentlemen of the
fancy:" but immediately after one of these fits of extravagance, he will
be taken with violent qualms of economy; stop short at the most trivial
expenditure; talk desperately of being ruined and brought upon the
parish; and, in such moods, will not pay the smallest tradesman's bill,
without violent altercation. He is in fact the most punctual and
discontented paymaster in the world; drawing his coin out of his
breeches pocket with infinite reluctance; paying to the uttermost
farthing, but accompanying every guinea with a growl.
With all his talk of economy, however, he is a bountiful provider, and a
hospitable housekeeper. His economy is of a whimsical kind, its chief
object being to devise how he may afford to be extravagant; for he will
begrudge himself a beefsteak and pint of port one day, that he may roast
an ox whole, broach a hogshead of ale, and treat all his neighbors on
the next.
His domestic establishment is enormously expensive: not so much from any
great outward parade, as from the great consumption of solid beef and
pudding; the vast number of followers he feeds and clothes; and his
singular disposition to pay hugely for small services. He is a most kind
and indulgent master, and, provided his servants humor his
peculiarities, flatter his vanity a little now and then, and do not
peculate grossly on him before his face, they may manage him to
perfection. Everything that lives on him seems to thrive and grow fat.
His house-servants are well paid, and pampered, and have little to do.
His horses are sleek and lazy, and prance slowly before his state
carriage; and his house-dogs sleep quietly about the door, and will
hardly bark at a housebreaker.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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