It was on the day following the conversation with Mrs. Austen that
Lennox received Margaret's letter. In his dark rooms it was waiting. A
moment previous he had intended to go to her. He had it all planned.
Mrs. Austen could say what she liked; the physician might interfere; he
would submit to no one. He proposed to see her, to adjust it, to swing
up and out from the circles which already were closing about him.
On leaving Mrs. Austen he had gone to dinner. He could not eat. He had
gone to bed. He could not sleep. In the morning his face was flushed.
Always fit, hard as nails, these phenomena perplexed. Yet he knew it was
not illness that produced them. What he did not know was that poison
had. The poison was anger, an unphilosophic emotion which disturbs the
circulation, the stomach and social intercourse. He could have wrung
Mrs. Austen's neck.
In that murderous mood he went to Wall Street and in that mood returned.
Already hell was gaping. Headlong into it the letter threw him. Being a
man he sought and found the door, smashed it and passed out. Not at once
however. It took him many a sleepless hour before he deciphered the
device Lascia la donna. Leave the lady? Certainly. Since she so wished,
what else in decency could he do? Go and badger her with complaints and
questions? Not he. But how do you translate: Studia la matematica? The
dictionary that is in every man, who is a man, told him. Then he knew.
Meanwhile the flush in departing left him grey.
In every affection there is the germ of hate. Margaret, confronted by
the unawaited, hated Lennox. Lennox, confronted by the inexplicable,
hated Margaret. Hatred is love turned inside out. Love is perhaps a
fermentation of the molecules of the imagination. In that case so also
is hate. Of all things mystery disturbs the imagination most. Margaret
could not understand how Lennox could have acted as he had. Lennox could
not understand how Margaret could act as she did. Dual misunderstanding,
in which the imagination fermented. Hence the hate. Yet each, in hating,
loved the other. Each felt the splinters which, as Browning somewhere
noted, kept fresh and fine. Only a touch and the splinters would have
joined.
Mrs. Austen, for all her horrible shrewdness, could not have prevented
that. But pride, that gives so many of us a fall, was more potent than
she. Margaret, insulted, could but turn away. Lennox, dismissed, could
but let her go.
Any emotion is unbecoming. Pride is merely ridiculous. It resides in the
youthful-minded, however old. In residing in these young people, it
resisted the touch that would have combined them and, through its
opposition, made one of them ill and the other grey. To be proud! How
splendid it seems and how stupid it is. Hell is paved with just such
imbecilities.
It is said of Dante that children peered at him and whispered: "That man
has been in hell."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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