Clergy -- Fiction; English fiction; Lincolnshire (England) -- Fiction
"Mebbe I am, mebbe I'm not," said Sim, as he looked curiously on, while
his wife filled up the steaming teapot, put the half dish of bacon down
to warm, and then proceeded to cut some thick slices of bread and
butter.
Sim turned his eyes away and tried to look out of the window, but those
thick slices, with the holes well filled with butter, were magnetic, and
drew his eyes back again.
"I tell ye what, woman," he began, wrenching his eyes away, "that the
day is coming when the British wuckman will tear himself from under the
despot's heel."
"There, do hold thee clat, and--there, yeat that."
Mrs Slee thrust a great slice of the tempting bread and butter into her
husband's hand, and his fingers clutched it fiercely.
"Yeat that--yeat that?" he cried. "Yeat the bread of a brutal, Church--
established tyrant? Yeat the husks of his leavings? Never! I'd
sooner--sooner--sooner--sooner--Yah!"
Mr Simeon Slee's words came more and more slowly, as he prepared to
dash the bread and butter down; but as his eyes rested upon the slice,
he hesitated, and as he hesitated he fell, for the temptation was too
great for the hungry hero. He uttered a kind of snarling ejaculation,
and then treating the bread as if it were an enemy, he bit out of it a
great semicircle, while throwing himself into a chair, he sat and ate
slice after slice with bacon, in silence, washing all down with cups of
tea.
Mr Slee stirred his tea with a fork-handle, for it was noticeable that
the silver teaspoons had disappeared--a line of procedure adopted by Sim
as soon as his hunger was appeased, for he had certain meetings of his
brotherhood to attend, so he told his wife; and he did not return till
late, his coming being announced by sundry stumbles in the passage, and
a peculiar thickness of utterance, due doubtless to the exhaustion
consequent upon many patriotic utterances at the hostelry known as the
Bull for short--the Bull and Cucumber in fact.
Seekers for derivations of signs had puzzled themselves a good deal over
the connection between a bull and that familiar gourd of the
_cucurbitaceae_ known as a cucumber. It is perhaps needless to add that
the learned were baffled, but the incongruity was never noticed by the
people of Dumford, and as their pronunciation of the sign was the Bull
and Cow-cumber, the connection did not sound at all out of place.
Mr Selwood heard Sim return, and lay for some time listening to his
patriotic utterances--fragments, in fact, of the speech he had delivered
at the meeting--and it became very evident to the new occupant of the
vicarage that life with Mr Simeon Slee beneath his roof would not be
very pleasant.
"I don't like the idea of turning out the poor woman, either," he said
to himself, as he lay turning from side to side, courting the rest that
would not come.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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