Americans -- England -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- England -- Fiction
'No,' she said, lowering her eyes to the gloves which she held in her
hand; 'I have lost all my courage. Every night I feel as if another day
of meeting the wounded will kill me. . . . If it could only end!
Anything would be better than these awful casualty lists.'
'Elise'--he raised himself on his elbow and leaned towards her--'you
prove yourself a woman when you say that; but you're wrong. I can't give
my reasons yet, but since last night I have been seeing clearer and
clearer that Britain not only must not lose, but must _win_. I know
other men have said it ten thousand times, but only to-day have I begun
to see that, in its own strange, unidealistic manner, this Empire is
fighting for civilisation.'
'Then'--her eyes were lit with sudden, glistening radiancy--'then you
don't think our men have died uselessly?'
'I could not believe in God,' he answered, wondering at the calm
certainty of his voice uttering things which would have infuriated him a
few hours before, 'if I thought that this war's dead had fallen for
nothing.' His hand, which had been raised in gesture, fell limply on the
bed. 'Up to yesterday,' he went on slowly, 'I reasoned truth; to-day--I
feel truth. I wonder if it is not always so, that higher knowledge
begins with the end of reasoning.'
For a couple of minutes neither spoke, and his head was throbbing with
anvil-beats. Twice she started to speak, but stopped each time as though
distrustful of her own words.
'I am going back to America, Elise.' His dreamy eyes were gazing beyond
her into the distance, or he might have noted that the colour in her
cheeks fluctuated suddenly and the fingers on her gloves tightened.
'Why?' There was nothing in her voice to indicate anything but casual
interest.
'I must go back,' he said, leaning towards her--'back to my own country.
You don't understand. . . . There comes a moment when every fibre of a
man's being craves for his own people, for the very air that he breathed
as a boy. All these wasted months and last night's climax of damnable
murder have left me dazed. I am floundering hopelessly--but at home I
shall be able to clear my mind of its mists and see this whole thing as
it really is.'
A wall of pain pressed against his head, and his face went gray with
agony. In an instant she was standing over him arranging his pillows,
and soothing his temples with the gentle pressure of her hands.
For the first time in many months he knew the help and compassion of a
woman--and the woman was Elise. He was weak from loss of blood, weary
from the long travail of the mind, and her presence, with its indefinable
fragrance of clover and morning flowers, was as exquisite music to his
senses.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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