England -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Teachers -- Fiction
"I didn't stay with her till then. To begin with, it isn't one o'clock
even yet.... Remember that the concert was over about eleven. I took
Clare straight home and left her long before midnight. It wasn't my
fault I lost my way in the fog."
"Nor mine either. But perhaps it was Clare's, eh?"
"Helen, I can't bear you to insinuate like that! Tell me frankly what
you suspect, and then I'll answer frankly!"
"You wouldn't answer frankly. And that's why I can't tell you frankly."
"Well, I think it's scandalous----"
She interrupted him fiercely with: "Oh, yes, it's scandalous that I
should dare to be annoyed when you give all your friendship to another
woman and none to me, isn't it? It's scandalous that when you come home
after seeing this other woman I shouldn't be perfectly happy and bright
and ready to kiss and comfort you and wheedle you out of the misery
you're in at having to leave her! You only want me for a comforter, and
it's so scandalous when I don't feel in the humour to oblige, isn't it?"
"Helen, it's not true! My friendship belongs to you more than to----"
"Don't tell me lies just to calm me into suiting your mood. Do you think
I haven't noticed that we haven't anything in common except that we love
each other? We don't know what on earth to talk about when we're alone
together. We just know how to bore each other and to torture each other
with our love. Don't you realize the truth of that? Don't you find
yourself eagerly looking forward to seeing Clare; Clare whom you can
talk to and be friendly with; Clare who's your equal, perhaps your
superior, in intellect? Lately, I've given you as many chances to see
her as I could, because if you're going to tire of me I'd rather you do
it quickly. But I'm sorry I can't promise to be always gay and amusing
while it's going on. It may be scandalous that I can't, but it's the
truth, anyway!"
"But, my dear Helen, what an extraordinary bundle of misunderstandings
you've got hold of! Why----"
"Oh yes, you'd like to smooth me down and persuade me it's all my own
misunderstanding, I daresay, as you've always been able to do! But the
effect doesn't last for very long; sooner or later it all crops up
again. It's no use, Kenneth. I'm not letting myself be angry, but I tell
you it's not a bit of use. I'm sick to death of wanting from you what I
can't get. I've tried hard to educate myself into being your equal, but
it doesn't seem to make you value me any more. Possibly you like me best
as a child; perhaps you wouldn't have married me if you'd known I was
really a woman. Anyway, Kenneth, I can't help it. And there's another
thing--I'm miserably jealous--of Clare. If you'd had a grain of ordinary
sense you might have guessed it before now."
"My dear Helen----"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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