And here was Herr Dremmel who thought nothing at all of him, even in
regard to an enormous undertaking like his daughter's marriage. There
was something sublime in such detachment. She felt the largeness of the
freedom of it blowing in her face like a brisk, invigorating wind. There
seemed to be no hedges round Herr Dremmel. He was as untied-up a person
as she had ever met. He cared nothing for other people's opinion, that
chief enslavement of her home, and he was an orphan. Sad to be an
orphan, thought Ingeborg sighing. Sad, of course, not to have any dear
ones. But it did seem to be a condition that avoided the dilemma whose
horns were concealment by means of untruths and the screwing up of
oneself to that clammily cold and forlorn condition, having courage.
Of course, Herr Dremmel didn't know her father. He hadn't faced that
impressive personality. Would he be quite so detached and easily
indifferent if he had? She thought with a shiver of what such a meeting,
supposing, just for the sake of supposing, that she allowed herself to
become engaged, would be like. Would Herr Dremmel in that setting of
carefully subdued splendour, of wainscoting and oriels, seem to her as
free and delightful as he seemed on a tour of frugal backgrounds? Would
she, in the presence of the Bishop's horrified disapproval, be able to
see him as she had been seeing him now?
She had not explored very far into her own resources yet, but she had
begun lately to perceive that she was pliable. She bent easily, she
felt, and deplored having to feel in the direction desired by the
persons she was with and who laid hold of her with authority. It is true
she sprang back again, as she had discovered so surprisingly in London,
the instant the hold was relaxed, but it seemed that she sprang only to
do, as she now with a headshake admitted, difficulty-bringing things.
And her training in acquiescence and distrust of herself was very
complete, and back in her home would she not at once bend into the old
curve again? Was it possible, would it ever be possible, in her father's
presence to disassociate herself from his points of view? What his view
of Herr Dremmel would be she very exactly knew. Did she _want_ to
disassociate herself from it?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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