Produced by Al Haines. *THE PENNYCOMEQUICKS* *A Novel* BY S. BARING GOULD AUTHOR OF ’MEHALAH,’ ’COURT ROYAL,’ ’JOHN HERRING,’ ’THE GAVEROCKS,’ ETC. IN THREE VOLUMES VOL. I. LONDON SPENCER BLACKETT & HALLAM MILTON HOUSE, 35, ST. BRIDE STREET, LUDGATE CIRCUS, E.C. 1889 [_All rights reserved_] *CONTENTS OF VOL. I.* CHAPTER I. SHAKING THE TREE II. SALOME III. A TRUST IV. ON THE TOWPATH V. RIPE AND DROPPED VI. A COTTAGE PIANO VII. TAKING POSSESSION VIII. IN ONE COMPARTMENT IX. ARRIVAL X. WITH A LOAF AND A CANDLE XI. EXPECTATION XII. SURPRISES XIII. WHAT NEXT? XIV. ADMINISTRATION XV. THE WOMAN WITH A PIPE XVI. WHO? WHAT? *THE PENNYCOMEQUICKS.* *CHAPTER I.* *SHAKING THE TREE.* There is an aboriginal race in Borneo, of which it is said that they dispose of their aged parents and relatives in an interesting, novel, and altogether aboriginal fashion. They courteously, but withal peremptorily, require them periodically to climb trees, and when they are well up and grappling the branches, they shake the trees. If the venerable representatives of the earlier generation hold on, they are pronounced to be still green; but if they drop, they are adjudged ripe, are fallen upon and eaten, the palms of the hands and the soles of the feet being reserved as the prerogative of the heir-at-law, as the richest morsels. We do nothing of this sort in Christendom, least of all in civilized England. God, we thank Thee that we are not as other men are, even as these Borneans, for the conversion of whom we put prayer up at the family altar, that is, the breakfast-table, or offer our mite—a veritable mite, a microscopic fraction of our income. We look in England on our aged relatives with reverence, not with greed, and if we butter them, it is not because we desire to eat them, but because they are susceptible to butter. We never calculate the number of pounds they weigh, we never look hungrily at their palms, and never put the ladder against the tree, and with hat off and professions of respect and endearment invite them to climb. The Esquimaux act very differently from the Borneans; they take their ancient relations, and put them out of their huts in the cold, and leave them to freeze or starve. What a stride humanity has made with us! We deal with our poor, meagre relatives in this way? We!—as little do we turn them out in the cold as we do fall upon and eat up our plump ones, like the Borneans.