“Oh! oh! oh!” cried the Horse in Consternation, “I do not know who will be my master nor where my home shall be!” “I may be uncivilized, but nobody Owns Me,” said the Elk as he dashed away into the Forest. THE LUXURIOUS CATS. A Man living on the Avenue in a Stylish House bought a pair of Cats, as the place had become infested with Rats. When this became known to the Rats they were much Concerned and straightway called a Convention. When the meeting was called to order a certain Rat that had been a Commercial Traveller arose and said: “Be not Alarmed my friends—I know these Cats; they are very slow, being well fed and proud and prosperous, they are very Lazy.” Then an old Pessimist Rat arose and said: “Aye, there may be no immediate Danger, but I have noticed that when there is a Thomas Cat and a Tabby Cat living on good terms kittens soon appear. Ah, me! I fear we are Undone.” Then the Rat that had been On the Road remarked: “Mr. Chairman, I said that this was a proud, prosperous and stylish pair of Cats—such Cats, Sir, do not have kittens. Is there any other Business before the House?” JOHN BRYAN of Ohio. [Illustration] Mr. Bumball will tutor a few more literary aspirants at low rates. Address with stamp Mr. BUMBALL, care Campbellite Press, Chicago. References, Libbie, McNeil & Libbie. * * * * * USE HAM GARLAND’S NERVINE. * * * * * [Illustration] Professor Flinders Flanders, of Harvard, will deliver his celebrated lecture, “How to Run the World,” before Woman’s Clubs for one half gross receipts. For dates address with stamp MRS. FLINDERS FLANDERS, 44 Appian Way, Cambridge, Mass. * * * * * Reward—$500—Prize. I will pay five hundred dollars to the person who sends to me within six weeks a better “Note” than I myself can write. A further prize of five hundred dollars for a better “Sketch” than I have written or can write. All articles submitted will be judged by me—after a precedent established by those who offer prizes for similar work. Address all communications Editor The Philistine. “What says the sea, little shell? “What says the sea? “Long has our brother been silent to us, “Kept his message for the ships, “Awkward ships, stupid ships.” “The sea bids you mourn, oh, pines, “Sing low in the moonlight. “He sends tale of the land of doom, “Of place where endless falls “A rain of women’s tears. “And men in grey robes— “Men in grey robes— “Chant the unknown pain.” “What says the sea, little shell? “What says the sea? “Long has our brother been silent to us, “Kept his message for the ships, “Puny ships, silly ships.”