In summing up a comparison between two prominent literary men, one of whom is keenly malicious, and the other graspingly selfish, Clangingharp decided in favor of the latter in this wise: “I don’t like either, but if you demand which kind it is best to encourage, I say as Congressman Horr said of the farmers of the south, ‘Less hell and more hogs.’” * * * * * A modest knock was heard at Heaven’s Gate. “Who is it?” called St. Peter. “A Philistine!” came the assuring answer. “Goodness! We don’t get anything but Philistines now-a-days,” remarked the old gentleman. “Wait a few moments until there is a dozen ready to come in and I’ll open the gate!” * * * * * In _Munsey’s_ (circulation seven million) for July, first column on page 512, is this expression, “that terrible foe of the aborigine—the demon familiarly personified as John Barleycorn.” * * * * * Oh, oh, oh! This passion for saying something else, when you wish to say a thing, is the terrible foe of the inkling aborigine—familiarly personified as Munsey’s Monkey. * * * * * About that picture of Miss Jeannette Gilder in the September _Bookman_—go on with you, I didn’t say a thing, did I? * * * * * Skipkinson Smith, who is quite a Hivite himself, is said to have said that Clangingharp’s scheme of making photographic reproductions of all rough drafts of your poems, so your biographer could trace the progress of your soul-evolution, was pinched from Cudahy, and is rot in any event. * * * * * The Rev. Doctor Slicer once went down into a Cornish mine. After traversing the murky moral darkness through various winding ways, the safety lamp carried by the guide suddenly began to splutter; the flame shot up, flared, flickered and the wires became red hot, showing the presence of fire-damp. “Is there no danger?” asked the clergyman of the miner. “Well, I’ll tell you. You see the flame now is _there_?” “Yes!” “Well, when it gets to _there_, you and me will be in hell in a minute.” * * * * * Calvinism has gone, but it had several advantages: for one thing, it gave you peace by supplying a hell for your rivals and enemies. * * * * * If some latter-day skeptics had been amongst the twelve apostles, poor Thomas would hardly have received honorable mention. * * * * *