The Physiology of Marriage, CompleteBalzac, Honoré de
General
The Physiology of Marriage, Complete
Balzac, Honoré de
Marriage -- Humor
A wonderful prestige is gained by white stockings, the lustre of a
collar, or a shirt-waist, the artistically arranged folds of a man’s
shirt, or the taste of his necktie or his collar. This will explain
the passages in which I said of the honest woman [Meditation II],
“She spends her life in having her dresses starched.” I have sought
information on this point from a lady in order to learn accurately at
what sum was to be estimated the tax thus imposed by love, and after
fixing it at one hundred francs per annum for a woman, I recollect what
she said with great good humor: “It depends on the character of the man,
for some are so much more particular than others.” Nevertheless, after
a very profound discussion, in which I settled upon the sum for the
celibates, and she for her sex, it was agreed that, one thing with
another, since the two lovers belong to the social sphere which this
work concerns, they ought to spend between them, in the matter referred
to, one hundred and fifty francs more than in time of peace.
By a like treaty, friendly in character and long discussed, we arranged
that there should be a collective difference of four hundred francs
between the expenditure for all parts of the dress on a war footing, and
for that on a peace footing. This provision was considered very paltry
by all the powers, masculine or feminine, whom we consulted. The light
thrown upon these delicate matters by the contributions of certain
persons suggested to us the idea of gathering together certain savants
at a dinner party, and taking their wise counsels for our guidance in
these important investigations. The gathering took place. It was with
glass in hand and after listening to many brilliant speeches that I
received for the following chapters on the budget of love, a sort of
legislative sanction. The sum of one hundred francs was allowed for
porters and carriages. Fifty crowns seemed very reasonable for the
little patties that people eat on a walk, for bouquets of violets and
theatre tickets. The sum of two hundred francs was considered necessary
for the extra expense of dainties and dinners at restaurants. It was
during this discussion that a young cavalryman, who had been made almost
tipsy by the champagne, was called to order for comparing lovers to
distilling machines. But the chapter that gave occasion for the most
violent discussion, and the consideration of which was adjourned for
several weeks, when a report was made, was that concerning presents. At
the last session, the refined Madame de D----- was the first speaker;
and in a graceful address, which testified to the nobility of her
sentiments, she set out to demonstrate that most of the time the gifts
of love had no intrinsic value. The author replied that all lovers had
their portraits taken. A lady objected that a portrait was invested
capital, and care should always be taken to recover it for a second
investment. But suddenly a gentleman of Provence rose to deliver a
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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