The Physiology of Marriage, Part 2Balzac, Honoré de
General
The Physiology of Marriage, Part 2
Balzac, Honoré de
Marriage -- Humor
The grandson of the celebrated Boulle was seated before a round table
on which were placed the criminal exhibits which had been collected
with remarkable intelligence. I, the insignificant secretary of the
meeting, occupied a place at this desk, where it was my office to take
down a report of the meeting.
"Gentlemen," said an old man, "the first question upon which we have
to deliberate is found clearly stated in the following passage of a
letter. The letter was written to the Princess of Wales, Caroline of
Anspach, by the widow of the Duke of Orleans, brother of Louis XIV,
mother of the Regent: 'The Queen of Spain has a method of making her
husband say exactly what she wishes. The king is a religious man; he
believes that he will be damned if he touched any woman but his wife,
and still this excellent prince is of a very amorous temperament. Thus
the queen obtains her every wish. She has placed castors on her
husband's bed. If he refuses her anything, she pushes the bed away. If
he grants her request, the beds stand side by side, and she admits him
into hers. And so the king is highly delighted, since he likes -----'
I will not go any further, gentlemen, for the virtuous frankness of
the German princess might in this assembly be charged with
immorality."
Should wise husbands adopt these beds on castors? This is the problem
which we have to solve.
The unanimity of the vote left no doubt about the opinion of the
assembly. I was ordered to inscribe in the records, that if two
married people slept on two separate beds in the same room the beds
ought not to be set on castors.
"With this proviso," put in one of the members, "that the present
decision should have no bearing on any subsequent ruling upon the best
arrangement of the beds of married people."
The president passed to me a choicely bound volume, in which was
contained the original edition, published in 1788, of the letters of
Charlotte Elizabeth de Baviere, widow of the Duke of Orleans, the only
brother of Louis XIV, and, while I was transcribing the passage
already quoted, he said:
"But, gentlemen, you must all have received at your houses the
notification in which the second question is stated."
"I rise to make an observation," exclaimed the youngest of the jealous
husbands there assembled.
The president took his seat with a gesture of assent.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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