The Physiology of Marriage, Part 3Balzac, Honoré de
Philosophy
The Physiology of Marriage, Part 3
Balzac, Honoré de
Marriage -- Humor
But by what reasoning can justification be found for the help which
one celibate never asks in vain, but always receives from another
celibate in deceiving a husband, and how shall we qualify the
rendering of such help? A man who is incapable of assisting a gendarme
in discovering an assassin, has no scruple in taking a husband to a
theatre, to a concert or even to a questionable house, in order to
help a comrade, whom he would not hesitate to kill in a duel
to-morrow, in keeping an assignation, the result of which is to
introduce into a family a spurious child, and to rob two brothers of a
portion of their fortune by giving them a co-heir whom they never
perhaps would otherwise have had; or to effect the misery of three
human beings. We must confess that integrity is a very rare virtue,
and, very often, the man that thinks he has most actually has least.
Families have been divided by feuds, and brothers have been murdered,
which events would never have taken place if some friend had refused
to perform what passes to the world as a harmless trick.
It is impossible for a man to be without some hobby or other, and all
of us are devoted either to hunting, fishing, gambling, music, money,
or good eating. Well, your ruling passion will always be an accomplice
in the snare which a lover sets for you, the invisible hand of this
passion will direct your friends, or his, whether they consent or not,
to play a part in the little drama when they want to take you away
from home, or to induce you to leave your wife to the mercy of
another. A lover will spend two whole months, if necessary, in
planning the construction of the mouse-trap.
I have seen the most cunning men on earth thus taken in.
There was a certain retired lawyer of Normandy. He lived in the little
town of B-----, where a regiment of the chasseurs of Cantal were
garrisoned. A fascinating officer of this regiment had fallen in love
with the wife of this pettifogger, and the regiment was leaving before
the two lovers had been able to enjoy the least privacy. It was the
fourth military man over whom the lawyer had triumphed. As he left the
dinner-table one evening, about six o'clock, the husband took a walk
on the terrace of his garden from which he could see the whole country
side. The officers arrived at this moment to take leave of him.
Suddenly the flame of a conflagration burst forth on the horizon.
"Heavens! La Daudiniere is on fire!" exclaimed the major. He was an
old simple-minded soldier, who had dined at home. Every one mounted
horse. The young wife smiled as she found herself alone, for her
lover, hidden in the coppice, had said to her, "It is a straw stack on
fire!" The flank of the husband was turned with all the more facility
in that a fine courser was provided for him by the captain, and with a
delicacy very rare in the cavalry, the lover actually sacrificed a few
moments of his happiness in order to catch up with the cavalcade, and
return in company with the husband.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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