“I accept your apology,” the lad cried, gayly, and he rose, bubbling
with impudence. “Gentlemen-adventurers, knights of the empty pocket,
comrades of the order of the flying brake-beam and what-not, I drink
your very good health. Here’s to the jade whose game we played, not once
afraid of losing, ah! It is passing many wintry days since I fed on
funny-water and burned cologne in my _petit noir_, but there _was_ a
time—! My name, brothers of the pave, is James Wiswell Coffin 3d. Eight
Mayflower ancestors, double-barrelled in-and-in stock, Puritans of
Plymouth. Wrestling Coffin landed at Salem in the _Blessing of the Bay_,
1630, and——”
“Whoa, there!” the man in spectacles cried. “You ain’t so all-fired
numerous! I left a happy mountain-home myself, but the biographical
contest don’t come till the show is over in the big tent!”
“Cert’nly not, after you vetoed at my remarks,” said the third. “Let’s
testify after the dishes is emptier and we begin to feel more like a
repletion!”
In such wise the guests proceeded with badinage till the fruit appeared.
Then, as a plate containing oranges and bananas was placed on the table,
the young man of the party suddenly arose with a look of disgust, and
turned from the sight.
“See here, Coffee John,” he said, pacifically, “would you mind, as a
grand transcontinental favour, removing those bananas? I’m very much
afraid I’ll have to part with my dinner if you don’t.”
“Wot’s up?” was the reply.
“Nothing, yet,” said the youth. “But I’ll explain later. We’ll have to
work out all these puzzles and word-squares together.”
The bananas were taken away, while the others looked on curiously. Then
the man with glasses grew serious, and said, “As long as objections have
been raised, and the whole bunch is a bit loco, I don’t mind saying I’ve
a request to make, myself.”
“Speak up, an’ if they’s anythink wrong, I’ll try to myke it correck,”
said Coffee John. “’Evving knows it ain’t ’ardly usual for the likes o’
me to tyke orders from the likes o’ you, but this dinner is gave to
please, _if_ possible, an’ I don’t want no complyntes to be neglected.
Wot’s the matter nar?”
“I’ve been sitting with my back to the wall, as you may have noticed,
but there’s that over my head that makes me feel pretty sick when I
catch myself thinking,” said the objector. “It’s that picture of Dewey.
He’s all right, and a hero for sure; but if you don’t mind, would you
turn him face to the wall, so I can look up?”
“Don’t menshing it,” said Coffee John, rising to gratify this eccentric
request. “Nar wot’s your private an’ partickler farncy?” he asked,
turning to the thin, dark man.
“Nothin’ at all, only proceed with the exercises, and if you’d be
magnanimous enough to allow me to smoke, they being no females
present——”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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