England -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Male friendship -- Fiction; Men -- Societies and clubs -- Fiction
‘Doctor Slammer. He begged me to express his opinion that your conduct
of last evening was of a description which no gentleman could endure;
and’ (he added) ‘which no one gentleman would pursue towards another.’
Mr. Winkle’s astonishment was too real, and too evident, to escape the
observation of Doctor Slammer’s friend; he therefore proceeded--
‘My friend, Doctor Slammer, requested me to add, that he was firmly
persuaded you were intoxicated during a portion of the evening, and
possibly unconscious of the extent of the insult you were guilty of. He
commissioned me to say, that should this be pleaded as an excuse for
your behaviour, he will consent to accept a written apology, to be
penned by you, from my dictation.’
‘A written apology!’ repeated Mr. Winkle, in the most emphatic tone of
amazement possible.
‘Of course you know the alternative,’ replied the visitor coolly.
‘Were you intrusted with this message to me by name?’ inquired Mr.
Winkle, whose intellects were hopelessly confused by this extraordinary
conversation.
‘I was not present myself,’ replied the visitor, ‘and in consequence of
your firm refusal to give your card to Doctor Slammer, I was desired by
that gentleman to identify the wearer of a very uncommon coat--a bright
blue dress-coat, with a gilt button displaying a bust, and the letters
“P. C.”’
Mr. Winkle actually staggered with astonishment as he heard his own
costume thus minutely described. Doctor Slammer’s friend proceeded:--
‘From the inquiries I made at the bar, just now, I was convinced that
the owner of the coat in question arrived here, with three gentlemen,
yesterday afternoon. I immediately sent up to the gentleman who was
described as appearing the head of the party, and he at once referred me
to you.’
If the principal tower of Rochester Castle had suddenly walked from its
foundation, and stationed itself opposite the coffee-room window, Mr.
Winkle’s surprise would have been as nothing compared with the profound
astonishment with which he had heard this address. His first impression
was that his coat had been stolen. ‘Will you allow me to detain you one
moment?’ said he.
‘Certainly,’ replied the unwelcome visitor.
Mr. Winkle ran hastily upstairs, and with a trembling hand opened the
bag. There was the coat in its usual place, but exhibiting, on a close
inspection, evident tokens of having been worn on the preceding night.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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