The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur SymonsDowson, Ernest Christopher
General
The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur Symons
Dowson, Ernest Christopher
Authors, English; English poetry
she denied herself to the rest of the world, and we sat for hours in
that ancient room in the delicious twilight, while she sang to us--she
sang divinely--little French _chansons_, gay and sad, and snatches of
_operette_. How we adored her! I think she knew from the first how it
would be and postponed it as long as she could. But at last she saw
that it was inevitable.... I remember the last evening that we were
there--remember--shall I ever forget it? We had stayed beyond our
usual hour and when we rose to go we all of us knew that those
pleasant irresponsible evenings had come to an end. And both Lorimer
and I stood for a moment on the threshold before we said good-night,
feeling I suppose that one of us was there for the last time.
And how graceful, how gracious she was as she held out one little
white hand to Lorimer and one to me. 'Good-night, dear friends,' she
said, 'I like you both so much--so much. Believe me, I am grateful to
you both--for having given me back my faith in life, in friendship,
believe that, will you not, _mes amis_?' Then for just one delirious
moment her eyes met mine and it seemed to me--ah, well, after all it
was Lorimer she loved.
_7th October._
It seems a Quixotic piece of folly now, our proposal we would neither
take advantage of the other, but we both of us _must_ speak. We wrote
to her at the same time and likely enough, in the same words, we
posted our letters by the same post. To-day I had the curiosity to
take out her answer to me from my desk, and I read it quite calmly and
dispassionately, the poor yellow letter with the faded ink, which
wrote 'Finis' to my youth and made a man of me.
'_Pauvre cher Ami_,' she wrote to me, and when I had read that, for
the first time in my life and the only time Lorimer's superiority was
bitter to me. The rest I deciphered through scalding tears.
'_Pauvre cher Ami_, I am very sorry for you, and yet I think you
should have guessed and have spared yourself this pain, and me too a
little. No, my friend, that which you ask of me is impossible. You are
my dear friend, but it is your brother whom I love--your brother, for
are you not as brothers, and I cannot break your beautiful friendship.
No, that must not be. See, I ask one favour of you--I have written
also to him, only one little word "Viens,"--but will you not go to him
and tell him for me? Ah, my brother, my heart bleeds for you. I too
have suffered in my time. You will go away now, yes, that is best, but
you will return when this fancy of yours has passed. Ah forgive
me--that I am happy--forgive us, forgive me. Let us still be friends.
Adieu! Au revoir.
'Thy Sister,
DELPHINE.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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