The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur SymonsDowson, Ernest Christopher
General
The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur Symons
Dowson, Ernest Christopher
Authors, English; English poetry
'Ah, yes! she was beautiful; that mysterious, sad Slavonic beauty! a
thing quite special and apart. And, as a child, it was more tragical
and strange; that dusky hair! those profound and luminous eyes!
seeming to mourn over tragedies they have never known. A strange,
wild, silent child! She might have been eight or nine, then; but her
little soul was hungry for music. It was a veritable passion; and when
she became at last my good friend, she told me how often she had lain
for long hours outside my door, listening to my violin. I gave her a
kind of scolding, such as one could to so beautiful a little creature,
for the passage was draughty and cold, and sent her away with some
_bon-bons_. She shook back her long, dark hair: 'You are not angry,
and I am not naughty,' she said: 'and I shall come back. I thank you
for your _bon-bons_; but I like your music better than _bon-bons_, or
fairy tales, or anything in the world.'
'But she never came back to the passage again, Monsieur! The next time
I came across the Count, I sent her an invitation, a little
diffidently, for he had never spoken to me of her, and he was a
strange and difficult man. Now, he simply shrugged his shoulders, with
a smile, in which, for once, there seemed more entertainment than
malice. The child could visit me when she chose; if it amused either
of us, so much the better. And we were content, and she came to me
often; after a while, indeed, she was with me almost always. Child as
she was, she had already the promise of her magnificent voice; and I
taught her to use it, to sing, and to play on the piano and on the
violin, to which she took the most readily. She was like a singing
bird in the room, such pure, clear notes! And she grew very fond of
me; she would fall asleep at last in my arms, and so stay until the
Count would take her with him when he entered, long after midnight. He
came to me naturally for her soon; and they never seemed long those
hours that I watched over her sleep. I never knew him harsh or unkind
to the child; he seemed simply indifferent to her as to everything
else. He had exhausted life and he hated it; and he knew that death
was on him, and he hated that even more. And yet he was careful of her
after a fashion, buying her _bon-bons_ and little costumes, when he
was in the vein, pitching his voice softly when he would stay and talk
to me, as though he relished her sleep. One night he did not come to
fetch her at all, I had wrapped a blanket round the child where she
lay on my bed, and had sat down to watch by her and presently I too
fell asleep. I do not know how long I slept but when I woke there was
a gray light in the room, I was very cold and stiff, but I could hear
close by, the soft, regular breathing of the child. There was a great
uneasiness on me, and after a while I stole out across the passage and
knocked at the Count's door, there was no answer but it gave when I
tried it, and so I went in.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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