The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur SymonsDowson, Ernest Christopher
General
The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur Symons
Dowson, Ernest Christopher
Authors, English; English poetry
'Oh, you judge me hard, you believe the worst of me and why not? I am
against the world! At least he might have taught you to be generous,
that kind old man! Have I forgotten do you think! Am I so happy then?
Oh it is a just question, the world busies itself with me, and you are
in the lap of its tongues. Has it ever accused me of that, of
happiness? Cruel, cruel! I have paid my penalties, and a woman is not
free to do as she will, but would not I have gone to him, for a word,
a sign? Yes, for the sake of my childhood. And to-night when you
showed me that,' her white hand swept over the violin with something
of a caress, 'I thought it had come, yes, from the grave, and you make
it more bitter by readings of your own. You strike me hard.'
I bent forward in real humility, her voice had tears in it, though her
splendid eyes were hard.
'Forgive me, Madame! a vulgar stroke at random. I had no right to make
it, he told me only good of you. Forgive me, and for proof of your
pardon--I am serious now--take his violin.'
Her smile, as she refused me, was full of sad dignity.
'You have made it impossible, Monsieur! It would remind me only now of
how ill you think of me. I beg you to keep it.'
The music had died away suddenly, and its ceasing had been followed by
a loud murmur of applause. The prima-donna rose, and stood for a
moment observing me, irresolutely.
'I leave you and your violin, Monsieur! I have to sing presently, with
such voice as our talk has left me. I bid you both adieu!'
'Ah, Madame!' I deprecated, 'you will think again of this, I will send
it you in the morning. I have no right....'
She shook her head, then with a sudden flash of amusement, or
fantasy--'I agree, Monsieur! on a condition. To prove your penitence,
you shall bring it to me yourself.'
I professed that her favour overpowered me. She named an hour when she
would be at home: an address in the Avenue des Champs Elysées, which I
noted on my tablets.
'Not adieu then, Monsieur! but _au revoir_.'
I bowed perplexedly, holding the curtain aside to let her sweep
through; and once more she turned back, gathering up her voluminous
train, to repeat with a glance and accent, which I found mystifying:
'Remember, Monsieur! It is only _au revoir_.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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