Fools, fops, and rakes, for chaff and straws. Hence we conclude, no women's hearts Are won by virtue, wit, and parts: Nor are the men of sense to blame, For breasts incapable of flame; The faults must on the nymphs be placed Grown so corrupted in their taste. The pleader having spoke his best, Had witness ready to attest, Who fairly could on oath depose, When questions on the fact arose, That every article was true; Nor further those deponents knew: Therefore he humbly would insist, The bill might be with costs dismiss'd. The cause appear'd of so much weight, That Venus, from her judgment seat, Desired them not to talk so loud, Else she must interpose a cloud: For if the heavenly folks should know These pleadings in the courts below, That mortals here disdain to love, She ne'er could show her face above; For gods, their betters, are too wise To value that which men despise. And then, said she, my son and I Must stroll in air, 'twixt land and sky; Or else, shut out from heaven and earth, Fly to the sea, my place of birth: There live with daggled mermaids pent, And keep on fish perpetual Lent. But since the case appear'd so nice, She thought it best to take advice. The Muses, by the king's permission, Though foes to love, attend the session, And on the right hand took their places In order; on the left, the Graces: To whom she might her doubts propose On all emergencies that rose. The Muses oft were seen to frown; The Graces half ashamed look'd down; And 'twas observed, there were but few Of either sex among the crew, Whom she or her assessors knew. The goddess soon began to see, Things were not ripe for a decree; And said, she must consult her books, The lovers' Fletas, Bractons, Cokes. First to a dapper clerk she beckon'd To turn to Ovid, book the second: She then referr'd them to a place In Virgil, _vide_ Dido's case: As for Tibullus's reports, They never pass'd for law in courts: For Cowley's briefs, and pleas of Waller, Still their authority was smaller. There was on both sides much to say: She'd hear the cause another day; And so she did; and then a third; She heard it--there she kept her word: But, with rejoinders or replies, Long bills, and answers stuff'd with lies, Demur, imparlance, and essoign, The parties ne'er could issue join: For sixteen years the cause was spun, And then stood where it first begun. Now, gentle Clio, sing, or say What Venus meant by this delay? The goddess much perplex'd in mind To see her empire thus declined, When first this grand debate arose, Above her wisdom to compose, Conceived a project in her head To work her ends; which, if it sped, Would show the merits of the cause Far better than consulting laws. In a glad hour Lucina's aid Produced on earth a wondrous maid, On whom the Queen of Love was bent To try a new experiment. She threw her law-books on the shelf, And thus debated with herself. Since men allege, they ne'er can find Those beauties in a female mind, Which raise a flame that will endure