To praise the dishes, or to tast the fare; Much lesse t’ endanger the least tart, or pye By any waiter there stolne, or sett by; But to compute the valew of the meate, Which was for glory, not for hunger eate; Nor did I feare, (stand back) who went before The presence, or the privy-chamber doore. And woe is mee, the guard, those men of warre, Who but two weapons use, beife, and the barre, Began to gripe mee, knowing not in truth, That I had sung John Dory in my youth; Or that I knew the day when I could chaunt Chevy, and Arthur, and the Seige of Gaunt. And though these be the vertues which must try Who are most worthy of their curtesy, They profited mee nothing: for no notes Will move them now, they’re deafe in their new coates: Wherefore on mee afresh they fall, and show Themselves more active then before, as though They had some wager lay’d, and did contend Who should abuse mee furthest at armes end. One I remember with a grisly beard, And better growne then any of the heard; One, were he well examin’d, and made looke His name in his owne parish and church booke, Could hardly prove his christendome; and yet It seem’d he had two names, for there were writt On a white canvasse doublett that he wore, Two capitall letters of a name before; Letters belike which hee had spew’d and spilt, When the great bumbard leak’t, or was a tilt. This Ironside tooke hold, and sodainly Hurled mee, by judgment of the standers by, Some twelve foote by the square; takes mee againe, Out-throwes it halfe a bar; and thus wee twaine At this hot exercise an hower had spent, Hee the feirce agent, I the instrument. My man began to rage, but I cry’d, Peace, When he is dry or hungry he will cease: Hold, for the Lords sake, Nicholas, lest they take us, And use us worse then Hercules us’d Cacus.