The Politeness of Princes, and Other School StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Politeness of Princes, and Other School Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Schools -- Fiction
The sensation among the tradesmen caused by the invasion was, as may
be imagined, immense and painful. The thing was a public disaster. It
resembled the advent of a fox in a fowl-run. For years the tradesmen
of Wrykyn had jogged along in their comfortable way, each making his
little profits, with no thought of competition or modern hustle. And
now the enemy was at their doors. Many were the gloomy looks cast at
the gaudy building as it grew like a mushroom. It was finished with
incredible speed, and then advertisements began to flood the local
papers. A special sheaf of bills was despatched to the school.
Dunstable got hold of one, and read it with interest. Then he went in
search of his friend Linton to find out what he thought of it.
Linton was at work in the laboratory. He was an enthusiastic, but
unskilful, chemist. The only thing he could do with any real certainty
was to make oxygen. But he had ambitions beyond that feat, and was
continually experimenting in a reckless way which made the chemistry
master look wan and uneasy. He was bending over a complicated mixture
of tubes, acids, and Bunsen burners when Dunstable found him. It was
after school, so that the laboratory was empty, but for them.
"Don't mind me," said Dunstable, taking a seat on the table.
"Look out, man, don't jog. Sit tight, and I'll broaden your mind for
you. I take this bit of litmus paper, and dip it into this bilge, and
if I've done it right, it'll turn blue."
"Then I bet it doesn't," said Dunstable.
The paper turned red.
"Hades," said Linton calmly. "Well, I'm not going to sweat at it any
more. Let's go down to Cook's."
Cook's is the one school institution which nobody forgets who has been
to Wrykyn. It is a little confectioner's shop in the High Street. Its
exterior is somewhat forbidding, and the uninitiated would probably
shudder and pass on, wondering how on earth such a place could find a
public daring enough to support it by eating its wares. But the school
went there in flocks. Tea at Cook's was the alternative to a study
tea. There was a large room at the back of the shop, and here oceans
of hot tea and tons of toast were consumed. The staff of Cook's
consisted of Mr. Cook, late sergeant in a line regiment, six foot
three, disposition amiable, left leg cut off above the knee by a
spirited Fuzzy in the last Soudan war; Mrs. Cook, wife of the above,
disposition similar, and possessing the useful gift of being able to
listen to five people at one and the same time; and an invisible
menial, or menials, who made toast in some nether region at a
perfectly dizzy rate of speed. Such was Cook's.
"Talking of Cook's," said Dunstable, producing his pamphlet, "have you
seen this? It'll be a bit of a knock-out for them, I should think."
Linton took the paper, and began to read. Dunstable roamed curiously
about the laboratory, examining things.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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