LOVEYET. Age, sir, age!--And what then, sir, eigh! what then? I'd have you to know, sir, that I shall not have lived forty years till next spring twelvemonth, old as I am; and if my countenance seems to belie me a little or so, why--trouble, concern for the good of my country, sir, and this tyrannical, villainous Constitution have made me look so; but my health is sound, sir; my lungs are good, sir, [_Raising his voice._]--ugh, ugh, ugh,--I am neither spindle-shank'd nor crook-back'd, and I can kiss a pretty girl with as good a relish as--ugh, ugh,--ha, ha, ha. A man of five and forty, old, forsooth! ha, ha. My age, truly!--ugh, ugh, ugh. TRUEMAN. You talk very valiantly, Mr. Loveyet; very valiantly indeed; I dare say now you have temerity and enterprise enough, even at this time of day, to take a _wife_. LOVEYET. To be sure I have. Let me see,--I shou'd like a woman an inch or two less than six feet high now, and thick in proportion: By my body, such a woman wou'd look noble by the side of me when she was entient. TRUEMAN. Oh, monstrous! Entient! an entient woman by the side of an antient husband! Most preposterous, unnatural, and altogether incongruous! LOVEYET. Poh, a fig for your high-flown nonsense. I suppose you think it would cost me a great deal of trouble. TRUEMAN. No, no; some clever young blade will save you the trouble. LOVEYET. By my body, I should love dearly to have such a partner; she would be a credit to me when she had me under the arm. TRUEMAN. Under the _thumb_, you mean. LOVEYET. Under the _Devil_, _you_ mean. TRUEMAN. You're right; you might as well be under the Devil's government as petticoat government; you're perfectly right there. LOVEYET. I'm not perfectly right;--I--I--I mean _you_ are not perfectly right; and as for her age, why I should like her to be--let me see--about ten years younger than myself: a man shou'd be at least ten years older than his wife. TRUEMAN. Ten years; fifty-three and ten are sixty-three. Then you mean your wife shall be fifty-three years of age. LOVEYET. S'death, sir! I tell you I am but two and forty years old: She sha'n't be more than thirty odd, sir, and she shall be ten years younger than I am too. TRUEMAN. Yes, thirty odd years younger than _you_ are; ha, ha. The exiguity of those legs is a most promising earnest of your future exploits, and demonstrate your agility, virility, salubrity, and amorosity; ha, ha, ha. I can't help laughing to think what a blessed union there will be between August and December; a jolly, buxom, wanton, wishful, plethoric female of thirty odd, to an infirm, decrepit, consumptive, gouty, rheumatic, asthmatic, phlegmatic mortal of near seventy; ha, ha. Exquisitely droll and humourous, upon my erudition. It puts me in mind of a hot bed in a hard winter, surrounded with ice, and made verdant and flourishing only by artificial means. LOVEYET. Pshaw, you're a fool! _Enter TOUPEE._