British -- India -- Fiction; India -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Women -- India -- Fiction
‘Don’t apologize, Judy,’ I said. We were so brusque on the frontier.
Besides, the matter still suffered a jocular presentment. Mrs. Harbottle
and Mr. Chichele were still ‘great friends’; we could still put them
next each other at our dinner-parties without the feeling that it would
be ‘marked.’ There was still nothing unusual in the fact that when Mrs.
Harbottle was there Mr. Chichele might be taken for granted. We were so
broad-minded also, on the frontier.
It grew more obvious, the maternal note. I began positively to dread it,
almost as much, I imagine, as Somers did. She took her privileges all in
Anna’s name, she exercised her authority quite as Lady Chichele’s proxy.
She went to the very limit. ‘Anna Chichele,’ she said actually in his
presence, ‘is a fortunate woman. She has all kinds of cleverness, and
she has her tall son. I have only one little talent, and I have no tall
son.’ Now it was not in nature that she could have had a son as tall as
Somers, nor was that desire in her eyes. All civilization implies a good
deal of farce, but this was a poor refuge, a cheap device; I was glad
when it fell away from her sincerity, when the day came on which she
looked into my fire and said simply, ‘An attachment like ours has no
terms.’
‘I wonder,’ I said.
‘For what comes and goes,’ she went on dreamily, ‘how could there be a
formula?’
‘Look here, Judy,’ I said, ‘you know me very well. What if the flesh
leaps with the spirit?’
She looked at me, very white. ‘Oh no,’ she said, ‘no.’
I waited, but there seemed nothing more that she could say; and in the
silence the futile negative seemed to wander round the room repeating
itself like an echo, ‘Oh no, no.’ I poked the fire presently to drown
the sound of it. Judy sat still, with her feet crossed and her hands
thrust into the pockets of her coat, staring into the coals.
‘Can you live independently, satisfied with your interests and
occupations?’ she demanded at last. ‘Yes, I know you can. I can’t. I
must exist more than half in other people. It is what they think and
feel that matters to me, just as much as what I think and feel. The best
of life is in that communication.’
‘It has always been a passion with you, Judy,’ I replied. ‘I can imagine
how much you must miss--’
‘Whom?’
‘Anna Chichele,’ I said softly.
She got up and walked about the room, fixing here and there an intent
regard upon things which she did not see. ‘Oh, I do,’ she said at one
point, with the effect of pulling herself together. She took another
turn or two, and then finding herself near the door she went out. I felt
as profoundly humiliated for her as if she had staggered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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