So a single kiss wrought on this loving nature, that it had for her
the tragic sanctity of a pledge. It did not matter how extenuated by
good resolutions. The fire once kindled would not so be quenched. Nor
would the cold water these two engaged themselves to throw on their
own heart-burnings have any effect but to make the heat glow presently
the fiercer. That is a mere chemical commonplace, and, unless love is
to be accepted for something other than a matter of gases and
combustion, follows of necessity. Fire, to be put out by water, must
be put out, and not simply fed.
It is true that, in the first of the reaction from that madness, they
had both shrunk back aghast over the magnitude of the peril they had
touched and escaped. Yet the very sympathy engendered of that common
fright was fatal. It constituted between them a secret which by habit
became a tender and a passionate one. Whatever distance was affected
in their relations, there was that knowledge to obliterate it. They
were at all times and in all places conscious of it and of one
another.
And so, what was to be the end? An idle problem. If love could think
of ends and retributions, love would not be love but sanity.
They continued to meet--were they not expected to meet? That was the
mortal irony of it all. Omnipotence laid no embargo on their
friendship--applauded and encouraged it, rather. The signs of their
better understanding filled the old _gouvernante_ with jubilation. “He
comes to vindicate my belief in him,” she wrote to the duke. “In a
little you will find the girl converted to your wishes.”
And Tiretta? He did not succumb without a struggle. He hated his own
treachery, but he could not hate himself, so sanctified of that
idyllic passion. For long he fought desperately to command his own
humorous, philosophical, independent view of things--to remain “the
master of his fate, the captain of his soul.” And all the time he knew
that his only resource lay in flight; and he said to himself, “I await
no more than her dismissal.” But she never spoke the word that was to
banish him and kill his heart, and he said, “To abandon her unbidden,
to leave her to bear the brunt of this alone, were to play the part of
a coward.”
Specious, perhaps; yet in a measure the truth; only that his own
defences weakened while he lingered.
And then at length he could battle no more, but, spent and exhausted,
gave up the struggle. He was like a man who, having swum too far from
shore in a tide-race, and seeking to return, grows slowly and
agonisingly conscious of the futility of his efforts, and yields
himself first to despair and then to resignation, keeping no more than
afloat as he drifts out into the unknown. He had done his best, but
the tide was too strong for him. Let those who had committed him to
the effort take upon their own consciences the result.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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