Gwen laughed. Who could help it, over that picture of home training so
utterly unfit for one recipient, at least? Indeed, she was conscious of
a wish that her companion were more dull; less full of eager vitality.
It made that inevitable task so hard!
'Dan,' she began desperately in sudden resolve, 'I want to talk about
business. The fact is, I've had a windfall of money lately. And
so--I--I intend to pay you back that loan of yours. It isn't fair----'
He was on his knees beside her, to get a closer look at her face ere
she had finished. 'What is it, Gwen?' he asked rapidly. 'You owe me
nothing. What do you mean? There is no question of money between us,'
he went on in answer to her silence. 'There never was but once. There
never shall be again. Is it anything else, Gwen?--anything in which I
can help; or are you only feeling afraid of the future? Tell me
outright, dear.'
Where was the good, she thought petulantly, of delays and preparations
when he met her first hint in this direct fashion; yet against the
grain, for she hated scenes, she took her courage in her hand and spoke
up--
'Yes, I am afraid; afraid of the future for you as well as for
myself--O Dan! I really wish you would sit down like a Christian and
listen properly. Kissing my hand is no answer. And I am serious. This
idle foolish promise of thinking about it all seriously next year when
you get your promotion is not fair on you--don't laugh, Dan, it isn't.
It ties you down, and prevents you doing yourself justice. And then it
isn't fair on me.'
He interrupted her quickly. 'How is it not fair on you, Gwen? I don't
see it. You do not like any one else as much as you like me; you know
you don't. And if this half promise to me holds you back from marrying
some one you do not like as you like me, why, then,' his voice lowered
to tender gravity, 'I thank God for it as I should thank Him for any
good He sent into your life.'
'You do not understand,' she retorted querulously. 'Surely I am the
best judge of myself, and there is no reason why I should want to marry
some one else because I don't think it would be right to marry you. I
should make a bad wife, Dan, to any poor man; and I should not be
happy. Surely, surely, I ought to know best! It isn't as if I were the
inexperienced girl I was before. I have been married for years, and I
think, yes I am sure, that I am happier as I am.' Her last words
degenerated into something between a laugh and a sob. It really was too
ridiculous, too grievous, that she, Gwen Boynton, with all her
knowledge of the world, should not be considered fit to judge for
herself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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