The Power of Sexual SurrenderRobinson, Marie Nyswander
Science
The Power of Sexual Surrender
Robinson, Marie Nyswander
Frigidity (Psychology); Sex (Psychology); Women -- Sexual behavior
Women will usually face the fact that they are sexually frigid;
generally they have to; the knowledge is forced upon them. But they
will rarely face the fact that they have personality difficulties that
are directly related to their obvious sexual difficulty.
Let me give you an illustration.
Last year a very intelligent woman came to see me. She was an associate
professor of history at a leading university and, according to her,
her only complaint was that she could not have an orgasm during
intercourse. She was unusually frank in describing the sexual aspect
of her problem in her first interview, and when she had finished the
description of her reactions and lack of them she had described a
woman with a rather severe sexual anesthesia. She had neither clitoral
nor vaginal sensation and could claim only some vaguely pleasant
sensations on her labia. She had nothing approximating an orgasm.
Actually she was a very fine woman, but she was totally confused about
this area of her life. “If I could only break through this silly little
block,” she told me, “our marriage would be ideal.” I could get no
further real facts from her. She insisted that she and her husband had
“a whole community of shared interests” and two “wonderfully normal”
children. I asked to see her husband.
I got the real story from him. He was, he told me, quite worried about
his wife and about their marriage and had been for a long time.
She had always, he said, been an extremely competitive woman, but since
his promotion from associate professor to full professor four years
before, this characteristic had become almost unendurable. “I hardly
dare to open my mouth any more,” he told me, “because I know she’s
going to contradict me.” Quarrels had become extremely frequent, and
their oldest child was definitely showing neurotic signs. I inquired
about her reactions during her pregnancies, and he told me that she
had been constantly ill physically and, while she would not admit it,
had clearly been deeply frightened of the whole experience. Indeed,
after the birth of the second child she had become severely depressed
for over two months. He told me that yes, indeed, they had _had_ a
community of interests for the first couple of years of their marriage
but that her competitiveness with him had become so pronounced that any
mutuality, from his standpoint, was now almost impossible.
Any psychiatrist knowledgeable in such matters could have guessed
from the woman’s description of her sexual problem pretty much what I
learned about her from her husband. For, as I have pointed out, the
kind and degree of frigidity a woman may confess to are also an open
statement of the kind and degree of personality distortion she is
subject to.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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