College students -- Fiction; Murder -- Fiction; Murderers -- Fiction
Strangely, suddenly, some of the burden that bad been upon Olva now for
so long was lifted. The atmosphere of the room that had lain upon him
so heavily was lighter--and he seemed to feel the gentle withdrawing of
that pursuit that now, ever, night and day, sounded in his ears.
And what, above all, had happened to him? He flung his mind back to a
month ago. With what scorn then would he have glanced at Bunning's ugly
body--with what impatience have listened to his pitiful confessions. Now
he said gently--
"Tell me about yourself."
Bunning gulped and gripped the baggy knees of his trousers.
"I'm very unhappy," he said at last desperately--"very. And if you
hadn't come with me the other night to hear Med-Tetloe--I'm sure I
don't know why you did--I shouldn't have come now---"
"Well, what's the matter?"
Bunning's mouth was full of toast. "It was that night--that service. I
was very worked up and I went round afterwards to speak to him. I could
see, you know, that it hadn't touched you at all. I could see that, and
then when I went round to see him he hadn't got anything to say--nothing
that I wanted--and--suddenly--then--at that moment--I felt it was all
no good. It was you, you made me feel like that---"
"I?"
"Yes. If you hadn't gone--like that--it would have been different. But
when you--the last man in College to care about it-went and gave it its
chance I thought that would prove it. And then when I went to him he was
so silly, Med-Tetloe I mean. Oh! I can't describe it but it was just no
use and I began to feel that it was all no good. I don't believe there
is a God at all--it's all been wrong--I don't know what to do. I don't
know where to go. I've been wretched for days, not sleeping or anything.
And then they come and rag me--and--and--the Union men want me to take
Cards round for a Prayer Meeting--and--and--I wouldn't, and they said.
. . . Oh! I don't know, I don't know _what_ to do--I haven't got
any-thing left!"
And here, to Olva's intense dismay, the wretched creature burst into the
most passionate and desperate tears, putting his great hands over his
face, his whole body sobbing. It was desolation--the desolation of a
human being who had clutched desperately at hope after hope, who had
demanded urgently that he should be given something to live for and had
had all things snatched from his hands.
Olva, knowing what his own loneliness was, and the terror of it,
understood. A fortnight ago he would have hated the scene, have sent
Bunning, with a cutting word, flying from the room, never to return.
"I say, Bunning, you mustn't carry on like this--you're overdone or
something. Besides, I don't understand. What does it matter if you
_have_ grown to distrust Med-Tetloe and all that crowd. They aren't the
only people in the world--that isn't the only sort of religion."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account