When her monthly statement from the bank came on the first of July she
found that five thousand dollars had been deposited to her credit. She
was moved by this discovery to devote several hours--very depressed
hours they were--to her finances. She had spent a great deal more
money than she had thought; indeed, since March she had been living at
the rate of fifteen thousand a year. She tried to account for this
amazing extravagance. But she could recall no expenditure that was not
really almost, if not quite, necessary. It took a frightful lot of
money to live in New York. How DID people with small incomes manage to
get along? Whatever would have become of her if she had not had the
good luck to be able to borrow from Stanley? What would become of her
if, before she was succeeding on the stage, Stanley should die or lose
faith in her or interest in her? What would become of her! She had
been living these last few months among people who had wide-open eyes
and knew everything that was going on--and did some "going-on"
themselves, as she was now more than suspecting. There were many
women, thousands of them--among the attractive, costily dressed throngs
she saw in the carriages and autos and cabs--who would not like to have
it published how they contrived to live so luxuriously. No, they would
not like to have it published, though they cared not a fig for its
being whispered; New York too thoroughly understood how necessary
luxurious living was, and was too completely divested of the follies of
the old-fashioned, straight-laced morality, to mind little shabby
details of queer conduct in striving to keep up with the procession.
Even the married women, using their husbands--and letting their
husbands use them--did not frown on the irregularities of their sisters
less fortunately married or not able to find a permanent "leg to pull."
As for the girls--Mildred had observed strange things in the lives of
the girls she knew more or less well nowadays. In fact, all the women,
of all classes and conditions, were engaged in the same mad struggle to
get hold of money to spend upon fun and finery--a struggle matching in
recklessness and resoluteness the struggle of the men down-town for
money for the same purposes. It was curious, this double mania of the
men and the women--the mania to get money, no matter how; the instantly
succeeding mania to get rid of it, no matter how. Looking about her,
Mildred felt that she was peculiar and apart from nearly all the women
she knew. SHE got her money honorably. SHE did not degrade herself,
did not sell herself, did not wheedle or cajole or pretend in the least
degree. She had grown more liberal as her outlook on life had widened
with contact with the New York mind--no, with the mind of the whole
easy-going, luxury-mad, morality-scorning modern world. She still kept
her standard for herself high, and believed in a purity for herself
which she did not exact or expect in her friends. In this respect she
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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