Mildred laughed merrily and mockingly. "You call that sordid? Then
for heaven's sake what is high? You had left you money enough to live
on, if you have to. No one left me an income. So, I'm fighting for
independence--and that means for self-respect. Is self-respect sordid,
Cyrilla!"
And then Cyrilla understood--in part, not altogether. She lived in the
ordinary environment of flap-doodle and sweet hypocrisy and
sentimentality; and none such can more than vaguely glimpse the
realities.
Toward the end of the summer Moldini said:
"It's over. You have won."
Mildred looked at him in puzzled surprise.
"You have learned it all. You will succeed. The rest is detail."
"But I've learned nothing as yet," protested she.
"You have learned to teach yourself," replied the Italian. "You at
last can hear yourself sing, and you know when you sing right and when
you sing wrong, and you know how to sing right. The rest is easy. Ah,
my dear Miss Gower, you will work NOW!"
Mildred did not understand. She was even daunted by that "You will
work NOW!" She had been thinking that to work harder was impossible.
What did he expect of her? Something she feared she could not realize.
But soon she understood--when he gave her songs, then began to teach
her a role, the part of Madame Butterfly herself. "I can help you only
a little there," he said. "You will have to go to my friend Ferreri
for roles. But we can make a beginning."
She had indeed won. She had passed from the stage where a career is
all drudgery--the stage through which only the strong can pass without
giving up and accepting failure or small success. She had passed to
the stage where there is added pleasure to the drudgery, for, the
drudgery never ceases. And what was the pleasure? Why, more
work--always work--bringing into use not merely the routine parts of
the mind, but also the imaginative and creative faculties. She had
learned her trade--not well enough, for no superior man or woman ever
feels that he or she knows the trade well enough--but well enough to
begin to use it.
Said Moldini: "When the great one, who has achieved and arrived, is
asked for advice by the sweet, enthusiastic young beginner, what is the
answer? Always the same: 'My dear child, don't! Go back home, and
marry and have babies.' You know why now?"
And Mildred, looking back over the dreary drudgery that had been, and
looking forward to the drudgery yet to come, dreary enough for all the
prospects of a few flowers and a little sun--Mildred said: "Indeed I
do, maestro."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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